Man, has it been a long time since my last post. I have been rather busy in my life this past 11 months. I bet you would like to know what I was doing. Well glad you asked.
I have been getting married, working and living the married life. So as you get ready to sit at the family table tomorrow and eat dead turkeys, cornbread dressings, and the like, I'll educate you on my happenings.
Since Jan. 1 2008:
I have become a better human about 10 times over.
I have become a husband and in reality a housecleaner/coffemaker/clothesfolderupper.
I have become less obsessed with sport.
I have eaten less and gained more weight.
I have cultured my brain.
I have slept less and become tired more.
I have tied more shoes and softened some.
I have screamed less and listened more.
I have given more and taken less.
I have wiped more and showered even more.
I have talked and even communicated.
I have written less and laughed.
I have loved and been loved more.
See, I have had a very interesting year. So without further ado, I am going to go sharpen my newly wedded knife set and go gut the turkey for tomorrow. Gobble Gobble!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Going out with bang not a whimper!
Well here we are, the eve of the New Year. A night of carousing and the like. A night of jubilantcy and good times. A night of lasts and the dawn of the new. Speaking of the new, what do you have lined up for your New Years? I usually do the resolution thing but man those don't work. I mean seriously. How many times can you say, "I'm gonna lose some weight!", or "I'm gonna be a better human!"
Well, I am here to say bring on 2008! I can take you. Hopefully this will be the year of Brian! I should be getting married!!! Yep, the year of Brian! The year of adulthood, the year of manhood, the year of Brian. I know, none of you guys care but 2008 will be great. There you go, a new slogan. 2008 will be great!
So tonight, I will be taking out (actually showcasing) my fiance, Christy. We will be running the streets, hitting up places, and seeing one and all. Now, of course caution will be taken. 2007 will not got out in a whimper. The roofs will be raised and the salt will be shaken. So as you bid adieu to 2007, hold fast your memories, and keep reaching for the stars.
P.S. I know my last 4 blogs have not been up to par like the past 50 someodd, but keep the faith.
P.S.2. 2008 will be great!
Well, I am here to say bring on 2008! I can take you. Hopefully this will be the year of Brian! I should be getting married!!! Yep, the year of Brian! The year of adulthood, the year of manhood, the year of Brian. I know, none of you guys care but 2008 will be great. There you go, a new slogan. 2008 will be great!
So tonight, I will be taking out (actually showcasing) my fiance, Christy. We will be running the streets, hitting up places, and seeing one and all. Now, of course caution will be taken. 2007 will not got out in a whimper. The roofs will be raised and the salt will be shaken. So as you bid adieu to 2007, hold fast your memories, and keep reaching for the stars.
P.S. I know my last 4 blogs have not been up to par like the past 50 someodd, but keep the faith.
P.S.2. 2008 will be great!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Holiday Cheer
Thursday, December 20, 2007
A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2007 Edition Current mood: artistic Category: Friends
Well, here I am with another edition of the famous or infamous Bizarro Christmas. If you would be so kind as to flip back in time and reread the blog from Dec. 21 06', you will see the first installment of said Bizarro Christmas. I'm still having to apologize for that one. I know I know, I always apologize for things I have said or done. Right Christy? Well enough of the celebratories, lets get onto the tomfoolery and sumsuch.
This year I decided to hold forth the Christmas party at my dearly beloved grandmother's house. I had to do this not because of her generosity but because I live there and therefore don't have a place of my own. This will change soon right Christy???? Remember, the actual people involved in this waste of time are not actually involved. Yes, Mandy this is fake.
The guest list looks like this: (so read on)
Brian, aka Brandt (for you slow readers this is me)
Christy, aka Chrystal (still hot beautiful fiance)
Mandy, aka Mindy (friend who abandonded us to go live in Australia)
Rohan, aka Rod (husband of Mandy, who went kicking and screaming to Australia)
Troy, aka Richard (best friend of host)
Juanell, aka Juanita (mom of brian's fiance)
Grandma, aka Mawmaw (grandmother of host)
So now that all the pleasantries are out of the way, off we go.
As the guests arrive, I take all the jackets and put them in a safe place. Our house has been broken into twice in the last 15 years, so I put them in my room and proceed to pilfer them for cash and jewelry. I rejoin the guests only to see Chrystal and Mindy eating the fruit off the coffee table. I try to explain to them that the fruit is fake but they think I am lying because they know I don't eat fruit. They are seen running to the bathrooms holding their butts and yacking like drunk monkeys. Anyways, I take drink orders, while Mawmaw and Juanita discuss Brandt's childhood, much laughter and giggling is heard. Richard wants a Shiner Bock, which I reply, "we don't drink beer". Next, I try to coax him into staying, He says, "he needs a beer and he will be back". Rod wants a glass of tea. I go to make tea for Rod only to find out we are out. I'm come back with a cold glass of water for Rod, who asks "Where is the tea?" I tell him we are out and he tells me I am number one.
After much flushing of toilets, Chrystal and Mindy come out of the bathrooms, sweaty and a little parched. So I make Chrystal a cup of coffee and Mindy a glass of hot cocoa.
As we move on into the evening, Mawmaw runs everyone out of the kitchen, yelling obcenities. Juanita is allowed to stay so they can keep talking about my childhood. Wisecracks and jokes are overheard!
Dinner is ready! Mawmaw rings the bell even though we are in the living room 5 feet away. A mad dash ensues and only minimal damage is done. Richard busts open the door and joins the dinner. Alcohol is smelled throughout the room. As we inhale turkey and fixings, much talking commenses. The guys are talking about sports and all that implies and the women talk about the guys talking about sports. Festive time is had by all.
As we migrate into the living room, we decide to move this night along and open gifts. Rod opens his first and realizes he has plane tickets to Australia. Rod is seen slumping in his chair. Richard, opens his gift and to his wonderment notices he has won three Cowboy game tickets. Brandt is happy thinking his friend of 20 years will invite him, only to be informed through the waft of Shiner, that his dad and brother are invited!!! Go figure? Juanita opens her gift and is amazed to see that she has won a 3 hour long class on computer training. Mindy opens her gift and she has recieved a fresh bucket of tuna. Mindy loves tuna. Mawmaw opens her gift and she is heartstruck to know that got a lifetime supply of margarita mix full with complimentary Chippendale's waiter. Chrystal is seen plotting on how to steal Mawmaw's gift. Last but not least, Chrystal opens her gift to find unlimited frequent flier miles to anywhere she wants to go. Chrystal is seen dancing and clapping uncontrollably. Chrystal soon remembers that Brandt doesn't fly.
After all the gifts have been opened and the living room has been cleaned, Brandt recieves his gift. His gift is that he gets to live another day on this earth and be around friends and family. A tear rolls down his face in somber joy. Only 6 months ago Chrystal was telling Brandt he wouldn't live to see 40. I have atleast 7 years left to share in the love and comfort of life. Caroling and singing is heard throught the house.
After about a minute of this, Brandt screams for everyone to get out except for Mawmaw because she lives here. Good time was had by all except Richard because he is passed out on the couch. I hand everyone their jackets and hope no one notices that they are ligher in the wallet.
I give Chrystal a smokey kiss and tell her that she is my gift. She proceeds to tell me that, "this gift stays wrapped".
Good cheer to all men and women. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!
Brandt retreats to his room and turns on the t.v. and watches Sportscenter. Yep, good times good times!
P.s. Hope you all forgive me and I like money for Christmas.
A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2007 Edition Current mood: artistic Category: Friends
Well, here I am with another edition of the famous or infamous Bizarro Christmas. If you would be so kind as to flip back in time and reread the blog from Dec. 21 06', you will see the first installment of said Bizarro Christmas. I'm still having to apologize for that one. I know I know, I always apologize for things I have said or done. Right Christy? Well enough of the celebratories, lets get onto the tomfoolery and sumsuch.
This year I decided to hold forth the Christmas party at my dearly beloved grandmother's house. I had to do this not because of her generosity but because I live there and therefore don't have a place of my own. This will change soon right Christy???? Remember, the actual people involved in this waste of time are not actually involved. Yes, Mandy this is fake.
The guest list looks like this: (so read on)
Brian, aka Brandt (for you slow readers this is me)
Christy, aka Chrystal (still hot beautiful fiance)
Mandy, aka Mindy (friend who abandonded us to go live in Australia)
Rohan, aka Rod (husband of Mandy, who went kicking and screaming to Australia)
Troy, aka Richard (best friend of host)
Juanell, aka Juanita (mom of brian's fiance)
Grandma, aka Mawmaw (grandmother of host)
So now that all the pleasantries are out of the way, off we go.
As the guests arrive, I take all the jackets and put them in a safe place. Our house has been broken into twice in the last 15 years, so I put them in my room and proceed to pilfer them for cash and jewelry. I rejoin the guests only to see Chrystal and Mindy eating the fruit off the coffee table. I try to explain to them that the fruit is fake but they think I am lying because they know I don't eat fruit. They are seen running to the bathrooms holding their butts and yacking like drunk monkeys. Anyways, I take drink orders, while Mawmaw and Juanita discuss Brandt's childhood, much laughter and giggling is heard. Richard wants a Shiner Bock, which I reply, "we don't drink beer". Next, I try to coax him into staying, He says, "he needs a beer and he will be back". Rod wants a glass of tea. I go to make tea for Rod only to find out we are out. I'm come back with a cold glass of water for Rod, who asks "Where is the tea?" I tell him we are out and he tells me I am number one.
After much flushing of toilets, Chrystal and Mindy come out of the bathrooms, sweaty and a little parched. So I make Chrystal a cup of coffee and Mindy a glass of hot cocoa.
As we move on into the evening, Mawmaw runs everyone out of the kitchen, yelling obcenities. Juanita is allowed to stay so they can keep talking about my childhood. Wisecracks and jokes are overheard!
Dinner is ready! Mawmaw rings the bell even though we are in the living room 5 feet away. A mad dash ensues and only minimal damage is done. Richard busts open the door and joins the dinner. Alcohol is smelled throughout the room. As we inhale turkey and fixings, much talking commenses. The guys are talking about sports and all that implies and the women talk about the guys talking about sports. Festive time is had by all.
As we migrate into the living room, we decide to move this night along and open gifts. Rod opens his first and realizes he has plane tickets to Australia. Rod is seen slumping in his chair. Richard, opens his gift and to his wonderment notices he has won three Cowboy game tickets. Brandt is happy thinking his friend of 20 years will invite him, only to be informed through the waft of Shiner, that his dad and brother are invited!!! Go figure? Juanita opens her gift and is amazed to see that she has won a 3 hour long class on computer training. Mindy opens her gift and she has recieved a fresh bucket of tuna. Mindy loves tuna. Mawmaw opens her gift and she is heartstruck to know that got a lifetime supply of margarita mix full with complimentary Chippendale's waiter. Chrystal is seen plotting on how to steal Mawmaw's gift. Last but not least, Chrystal opens her gift to find unlimited frequent flier miles to anywhere she wants to go. Chrystal is seen dancing and clapping uncontrollably. Chrystal soon remembers that Brandt doesn't fly.
After all the gifts have been opened and the living room has been cleaned, Brandt recieves his gift. His gift is that he gets to live another day on this earth and be around friends and family. A tear rolls down his face in somber joy. Only 6 months ago Chrystal was telling Brandt he wouldn't live to see 40. I have atleast 7 years left to share in the love and comfort of life. Caroling and singing is heard throught the house.
After about a minute of this, Brandt screams for everyone to get out except for Mawmaw because she lives here. Good time was had by all except Richard because he is passed out on the couch. I hand everyone their jackets and hope no one notices that they are ligher in the wallet.
I give Chrystal a smokey kiss and tell her that she is my gift. She proceeds to tell me that, "this gift stays wrapped".
Good cheer to all men and women. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!
Brandt retreats to his room and turns on the t.v. and watches Sportscenter. Yep, good times good times!
P.s. Hope you all forgive me and I like money for Christmas.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Holiday fun time
Christmas and all that that implies! Current mood: jolly Category: Blogging
Tis the season to be jolly! Well here we are, Christmas time. Time to celebrate the season of gift giving. That is what Christmas is all about right? Time to eat turkey and dressing until we are full as a tick on a dog. Time to snuggle up with loved ones, except all at once. Time to dodge unwanted family members. Yep, fun times are near. So without further ado, it is time to deliver one of my famous and annual holiday blogs. This edition is going to be full of good cheer and everything that you have come to expect with my blogs.
My wish list this year is rather long. I will not make you suffer though and keep it short and sweet (kind of like christy) Now keep in mind, you can hand deliver these, send them via pigeon or use UPS. What can brown do for you? I know what brown can do for me, make my pants smell like garbage or embarrass me in public... I digress. On with the list!
10. man underwear
9. extra dose of cash
8. any and all metallica cd's
7. more time with my treasured fiance
6. non bloody pants
5. cheese
4. love
3. 2007 Wrangler Jeep
2. kitties, b/c brian loves kitties!
1. unused mistletoe every day of the year... ( I like kisses)
There you go loyal followers. Get after it. Only 13 days left and my list requires time and effort, which I have none of. Again, I want no less than 5 or no more than 5. I'm not picky so just stick to the list. Well I am off to do some leg lifts and some much needed tummy exercises.
P.S. Christmas is good and good is for you.
Tis the season to be jolly! Well here we are, Christmas time. Time to celebrate the season of gift giving. That is what Christmas is all about right? Time to eat turkey and dressing until we are full as a tick on a dog. Time to snuggle up with loved ones, except all at once. Time to dodge unwanted family members. Yep, fun times are near. So without further ado, it is time to deliver one of my famous and annual holiday blogs. This edition is going to be full of good cheer and everything that you have come to expect with my blogs.
My wish list this year is rather long. I will not make you suffer though and keep it short and sweet (kind of like christy) Now keep in mind, you can hand deliver these, send them via pigeon or use UPS. What can brown do for you? I know what brown can do for me, make my pants smell like garbage or embarrass me in public... I digress. On with the list!
10. man underwear
9. extra dose of cash
8. any and all metallica cd's
7. more time with my treasured fiance
6. non bloody pants
5. cheese
4. love
3. 2007 Wrangler Jeep
2. kitties, b/c brian loves kitties!
1. unused mistletoe every day of the year... ( I like kisses)
There you go loyal followers. Get after it. Only 13 days left and my list requires time and effort, which I have none of. Again, I want no less than 5 or no more than 5. I'm not picky so just stick to the list. Well I am off to do some leg lifts and some much needed tummy exercises.
P.S. Christmas is good and good is for you.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thanksgiving Eve '07
Well here it is the Thanksgiving Holidays. What are your plans for the big Turkey day? My plans are to eat, eat some more and after eating, watch the Cowboys game. I love Thanksgiving. It is my second most favorite holiday behind my birthday. I just like all the love in the air, the smell of great food and the brush with the law. My family this year decided to not get together this year and instead see how everyone does on their own. We are a festive sort. The matriarch of the family, my grandmother, has decided to spend Thanksgiving with a can of Dr. Pepper, a bag of popcorn and the remote control. Yes, she basically has given up, thrown in the towel, and raised the flag. In layman's terms, depression has set in. Depression is a funny emotion. It runs in our family. Depression grabbed my dear ol' dad by the throat and whispered in his ear to end life as he knew it. Yep, good ol' depression. To this day I am ravaged by the feelings of depression. Could it be that I might have what my dad had? Who knows who cares, right. Turkey day is supposed to be wrought with goosebumps and fun times. Instead, this year mine will be filled with guilt, shame and overeating. Thankfully, my angelic fiance has invited to spend it with her family. She is a voluptuous, bright, smart, christian lady. Wonder what she is doing with the likes of me? I wonder too. I wonder everyday. I wonder outloud to co-workers, friends, family and walter the farting dog. The only feedback I get is, "Don't worry be happy." So happy I will be even with depression knocking on the door. If you didn't know, I was a master blog writer on a competing website. We will call it Myplace. I wrote like 50 someodd blogs. I have seen the error of my ways and now I am all growns up. So keep reading my very amusing blogs on blogspot. If you don't, I will know. Anyways, I know I have been all over the place in the post but that is how my brain works. Yes, christy my brain works, geez! Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Thanksgiving and all that implies....
Thanksgiving and all that implies....
Well hot diggity damn. I am back and better than ever. I have canvassed and perused other blogs and would like to throw my hat in the proverbial ring. Back in the day, I used to whip out blog after blog. Nowadays, I try to write with common sense and a touch of class. So here goes nothing.In this season of giving and taking (what we americans call Thanksgiving), I have come to realize my place on this fair planet. I am here to clean up, pay for and be subject of ridicule. I know hard life. Who is complaining? Not me, I only had a dad check out on me at the ripe age of 1 1/2 and a mom who had other seemly ideas for her one and only true child. I'm not bitter at all. I mean, I grew up on the other side of the tracks. I wore glasses as a kid for goodness sakes. I had grandparents who told me to toughen up and quit being a pansy. I had a brute for a sister, she was adopted I might add. See where I am coming from. Feel sorry for me yet? Not yet!!! Well how about the fear of heights and tapeworms. Or, how about the fear of ghosts and evil doers dressed up as relatives with comly hands. Shuttering are we? Hmmpphhh! How about going to family funerals at the rate of a cheap hooker with a lifted skirt. (rimshot) No compassion yet? Arrghhh! Hows about tripping and falling like a drunk homeless person in Salado Tx. Or about the time that I scharted in the dressing room. Oh wait, was that you christy? sorry didn't mean to throw you under the bus. Well I best git while the gitting is good.Happy Thanksgiving.P.S. Pray for the turkeysP.S. (2) Pray for Sweaty Palms Mcgee.
Well hot diggity damn. I am back and better than ever. I have canvassed and perused other blogs and would like to throw my hat in the proverbial ring. Back in the day, I used to whip out blog after blog. Nowadays, I try to write with common sense and a touch of class. So here goes nothing.In this season of giving and taking (what we americans call Thanksgiving), I have come to realize my place on this fair planet. I am here to clean up, pay for and be subject of ridicule. I know hard life. Who is complaining? Not me, I only had a dad check out on me at the ripe age of 1 1/2 and a mom who had other seemly ideas for her one and only true child. I'm not bitter at all. I mean, I grew up on the other side of the tracks. I wore glasses as a kid for goodness sakes. I had grandparents who told me to toughen up and quit being a pansy. I had a brute for a sister, she was adopted I might add. See where I am coming from. Feel sorry for me yet? Not yet!!! Well how about the fear of heights and tapeworms. Or, how about the fear of ghosts and evil doers dressed up as relatives with comly hands. Shuttering are we? Hmmpphhh! How about going to family funerals at the rate of a cheap hooker with a lifted skirt. (rimshot) No compassion yet? Arrghhh! Hows about tripping and falling like a drunk homeless person in Salado Tx. Or about the time that I scharted in the dressing room. Oh wait, was that you christy? sorry didn't mean to throw you under the bus. Well I best git while the gitting is good.Happy Thanksgiving.P.S. Pray for the turkeysP.S. (2) Pray for Sweaty Palms Mcgee.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Trick or Treat
Yes boys and girls it is that time of year, Halloween! Time to get stupid drunk on candy and laugh at big people. Huh what? Anyways, I'm reaching into my bag of tricks and reveal my list of Halloween costumes circa 2007'.
1. Bearded fat guy.
2. Confused engaged man.
3. Disrespectful man.
4. Overhyped man. ( I play the part of overhyping myself to any and everyone)
5. Blind Barbershop man.
6. Lead actor in "Black Snake Moan"
7. Upstanding good guy man.
8. Batgirl
9. Ambiguous Man
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt's boyfriend (for one night only)
11. Dead man walking guy.
12. Stand up comic man.
13. Telemarketer voice man.
14. Successful human being man.
15. Finally, Obvious man who states the obvious stuff to no one in particular.
I know, I haven't gone goofy in the head blog writing in awhile but I am back BRUTHA............
So from me to yours, have good good and make nice nice.
1. Bearded fat guy.
2. Confused engaged man.
3. Disrespectful man.
4. Overhyped man. ( I play the part of overhyping myself to any and everyone)
5. Blind Barbershop man.
6. Lead actor in "Black Snake Moan"
7. Upstanding good guy man.
8. Batgirl
9. Ambiguous Man
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt's boyfriend (for one night only)
11. Dead man walking guy.
12. Stand up comic man.
13. Telemarketer voice man.
14. Successful human being man.
15. Finally, Obvious man who states the obvious stuff to no one in particular.
I know, I haven't gone goofy in the head blog writing in awhile but I am back BRUTHA............
So from me to yours, have good good and make nice nice.
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