Holiday Cheer

Thursday, December 20, 2007
A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2007 Edition Current mood: artistic Category: Friends
Well, here I am with another edition of the famous or infamous Bizarro Christmas. If you would be so kind as to flip back in time and reread the blog from Dec. 21 06', you will see the first installment of said Bizarro Christmas. I'm still having to apologize for that one. I know I know, I always apologize for things I have said or done. Right Christy? Well enough of the celebratories, lets get onto the tomfoolery and sumsuch.
This year I decided to hold forth the Christmas party at my dearly beloved grandmother's house. I had to do this not because of her generosity but because I live there and therefore don't have a place of my own. This will change soon right Christy???? Remember, the actual people involved in this waste of time are not actually involved. Yes, Mandy this is fake.
The guest list looks like this: (so read on)
Brian, aka Brandt (for you slow readers this is me)
Christy, aka Chrystal (still hot beautiful fiance)
Mandy, aka Mindy (friend who abandonded us to go live in Australia)
Rohan, aka Rod (husband of Mandy, who went kicking and screaming to Australia)
Troy, aka Richard (best friend of host)
Juanell, aka Juanita (mom of brian's fiance)
Grandma, aka Mawmaw (grandmother of host)
So now that all the pleasantries are out of the way, off we go.
As the guests arrive, I take all the jackets and put them in a safe place. Our house has been broken into twice in the last 15 years, so I put them in my room and proceed to pilfer them for cash and jewelry. I rejoin the guests only to see Chrystal and Mindy eating the fruit off the coffee table. I try to explain to them that the fruit is fake but they think I am lying because they know I don't eat fruit. They are seen running to the bathrooms holding their butts and yacking like drunk monkeys. Anyways, I take drink orders, while Mawmaw and Juanita discuss Brandt's childhood, much laughter and giggling is heard. Richard wants a Shiner Bock, which I reply, "we don't drink beer". Next, I try to coax him into staying, He says, "he needs a beer and he will be back". Rod wants a glass of tea. I go to make tea for Rod only to find out we are out. I'm come back with a cold glass of water for Rod, who asks "Where is the tea?" I tell him we are out and he tells me I am number one.
After much flushing of toilets, Chrystal and Mindy come out of the bathrooms, sweaty and a little parched. So I make Chrystal a cup of coffee and Mindy a glass of hot cocoa.
As we move on into the evening, Mawmaw runs everyone out of the kitchen, yelling obcenities. Juanita is allowed to stay so they can keep talking about my childhood. Wisecracks and jokes are overheard!
Dinner is ready! Mawmaw rings the bell even though we are in the living room 5 feet away. A mad dash ensues and only minimal damage is done. Richard busts open the door and joins the dinner. Alcohol is smelled throughout the room. As we inhale turkey and fixings, much talking commenses. The guys are talking about sports and all that implies and the women talk about the guys talking about sports. Festive time is had by all.
As we migrate into the living room, we decide to move this night along and open gifts. Rod opens his first and realizes he has plane tickets to Australia. Rod is seen slumping in his chair. Richard, opens his gift and to his wonderment notices he has won three Cowboy game tickets. Brandt is happy thinking his friend of 20 years will invite him, only to be informed through the waft of Shiner, that his dad and brother are invited!!! Go figure? Juanita opens her gift and is amazed to see that she has won a 3 hour long class on computer training. Mindy opens her gift and she has recieved a fresh bucket of tuna. Mindy loves tuna. Mawmaw opens her gift and she is heartstruck to know that got a lifetime supply of margarita mix full with complimentary Chippendale's waiter. Chrystal is seen plotting on how to steal Mawmaw's gift. Last but not least, Chrystal opens her gift to find unlimited frequent flier miles to anywhere she wants to go. Chrystal is seen dancing and clapping uncontrollably. Chrystal soon remembers that Brandt doesn't fly.
After all the gifts have been opened and the living room has been cleaned, Brandt recieves his gift. His gift is that he gets to live another day on this earth and be around friends and family. A tear rolls down his face in somber joy. Only 6 months ago Chrystal was telling Brandt he wouldn't live to see 40. I have atleast 7 years left to share in the love and comfort of life. Caroling and singing is heard throught the house.
After about a minute of this, Brandt screams for everyone to get out except for Mawmaw because she lives here. Good time was had by all except Richard because he is passed out on the couch. I hand everyone their jackets and hope no one notices that they are ligher in the wallet.
I give Chrystal a smokey kiss and tell her that she is my gift. She proceeds to tell me that, "this gift stays wrapped".
Good cheer to all men and women. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!
Brandt retreats to his room and turns on the t.v. and watches Sportscenter. Yep, good times good times!
P.s. Hope you all forgive me and I like money for Christmas.

Holiday fun time

Christmas and all that that implies! Current mood: jolly Category: Blogging
Tis the season to be jolly! Well here we are, Christmas time. Time to celebrate the season of gift giving. That is what Christmas is all about right? Time to eat turkey and dressing until we are full as a tick on a dog. Time to snuggle up with loved ones, except all at once. Time to dodge unwanted family members. Yep, fun times are near. So without further ado, it is time to deliver one of my famous and annual holiday blogs. This edition is going to be full of good cheer and everything that you have come to expect with my blogs.
My wish list this year is rather long. I will not make you suffer though and keep it short and sweet (kind of like christy) Now keep in mind, you can hand deliver these, send them via pigeon or use UPS. What can brown do for you? I know what brown can do for me, make my pants smell like garbage or embarrass me in public... I digress. On with the list!

10. man underwear
9. extra dose of cash
8. any and all metallica cd's
7. more time with my treasured fiance
6. non bloody pants
5. cheese
4. love
3. 2007 Wrangler Jeep
2. kitties, b/c brian loves kitties!
1. unused mistletoe every day of the year... ( I like kisses)
There you go loyal followers. Get after it. Only 13 days left and my list requires time and effort, which I have none of. Again, I want no less than 5 or no more than 5. I'm not picky so just stick to the list. Well I am off to do some leg lifts and some much needed tummy exercises.
P.S. Christmas is good and good is for you.