Yep! It's that time of year already... Christmas is nigh upon us. This here blog is meant for giggles, smiles, knee slaps and the like! If you or your loved ones ever get offended by anything written, then please grow up and remember everything is not about you!! Also, for continuity's sake, please read all the other Bizarro Christmas blogs from the years past. It will make all this drivel more sense, even for you Mandy.
Cast-
Starring:
Brian as Brandt
Christy as Chrystal
Mandy as Mindy
Rohan as Rod
Troy as Richard
Becca as Becky
Featuring:
Tiffani as Trixy
Cameo Appearances by
Juanell as Juanita
Grandma as MawMaw
Now that all the loose ends have been tied up, on with the blog!
Brandt: hey babe! you know what we should do for Christmas this year?
Chrystal: what is that? How about we all go Twilight Breaking Dawn??
Brandt: ummm no!
Chrystal: well, it was only a suggestion!
Brandt: and a good one at that hon! how about.......
Chrystal: why don't you ever call me by my name?? instead of babe and hon??
Brandt: (looking utterly dumbfounded and simply confused) I don't know!
Chrystal: I mean my name is Chrystal, no babe, or hon, or sweets or.....
Brandt: ok, ok! sorry!!! Chrystal, how about....
Chrystal: (has her mom, Juanita, on the phone) mom, you there?
Juanita: HELLO! Chrystal, you there??
Chrystal: Mom, I'm here, hang on I got a question!
Juanita: I'm in the vortex, what is it?
Chrystal: you answered your phone in the vortex??
Juanita: yes, why? (muffles sound, inaudible, tells stranger: ok, thanks)
Chrystal: I have a quick question, do you think it is weird that Brandt only calls me by babe, or hon, or somesuch?
Juanita: Chrystal, just let him do that I think it is sweet!
Chrystal: *sigh* ok, Mom, gotta go!
Juanita: I do too, I have my Silver Sneakers I need to get to. bye!
Chrystal: ok, bye! (hanging up the phone)
Juanita: wait, I got.....
Chrystal hangs up.
-
Brandt: how about we do a gift exchange this year? we haven't done that in years.
Chrystal: yeah, that sounds like a plan.
*phone rings*
Chrystal: hello!
Mindy: hey girl! so what is the big plan for Christmas?
Chrystal: well we are going to do a gift exchange this year. you in?
Mindy: sure!
Chrystal: I'm going to send out a tweet to everyone...
Mindy: but I don't have a twitter account!!
Chrystal: umm ok, but everyone is using it now instead of facebook. but I'll send one there as well to.
Mindy: (claps and giggles) ok!
-
Rod: Mindy, are we going over to Brandt and Chrystal's this year for Christmas?
Mindy: yes, why?
Rod: because, every time we go Brandt has to rub it in my face about beating me in basketball!
Mindy: Rod, that happened, like in June..
Rod: I know, but I'm still a little sore and all...
Mindy: we'll have fun.. maybe you can beat him in a staring contest!
Rod: no! already tried....
Mindy: wait, you mean you already....
Rod: yes!
-
Chrystal: ok all the tweets and facebook messages have been sent!
Brandt: good CHRYSTAL!
Chrystal: oh yea! see you did it...
Brandt: whatever makes you happy babe!
Chrystal smiles
December 24 6:30pm----------- at the Peters/Robinson residence
Mindy and Rod arrive with gifts and tuna fish salad
Richard and Becky arrive with gifts and Shiner Bock
Trixy and her new beau Jeremiah arrive with gifts and a keg
Brandt: welcome one and all. Trixy, why dont you introduce to us your new friend.
Trixy: everyone, this is Jeremiah, he is Vice President of the Dallas DJ Association.
everyone oohh's and aahh's.
Brandt: ok, Chrystal has prepared a fine feast for all!
Chrystal: yes on the menu this year is, gluten free mac and cheese, house salad, grilled tilapia, with fudge for dessert.
Mindy wipes the drool from her mouth.
Richard opens up the Shiner for everyone.
Rod: Richard, I don't drink but thanks.
Richard: (under his breath to Becky) watching your figure are we??
Rod: what was that Richard?
Richard: O, nothing, just whispering sweet nothings to my wife!
Mindy: well y'all have 2 kids, why not more!!!?
Brandt: (sees this is not going good) ok, well lets get our plates!
Chrystal is still on her very rigid 3-3-2 minute breakdown on the fish.
20 seconds she yells!
everyone forms left..
with much grubbing and table talk Brandt motions for everyone to the living room
Mindy: Brandt, why motion us, the living room is 5 feet from the kitchen!
Brandt: are you always like this??
Rod: (steps in) like what?
Brandt: hey, Rod, hows your basketball game coming?
Rod walks away in a huff
-
Chrystal: ok, everyone ready?
Mindy claps and giggles for no reason
Trixy: Mindy, do you need to go to the bathroom?
Mindy: no, why? (continues clapping and giggling)
Chrystal: ok, I suggest everyone open all together!
Brandt/Mindy/Rod/Becky/Richard/Trixy/Jeremiah: no lets open separately!!!
Chrystal: ok, if I had to slave in the kitchen for all you to come over here, eat, not clean up, and eat all my fudge, we're opening gifts together!!!
Brandt calms the masses and agrees!
Richard drinks a Shiner and says: I'm with the majority!
Trixy: ok ok! fine...
Jeremiah: let me mix up some Christmas jingles...
Beastie Boys Christmas Rock is lightly playing the background
Chrystal: good selection Jeremiah!
Becky looks at Richard and asks: who is this playing?
-
all gifts have been opened and here is the rundown
Brandt received Dallas Cowboy hoodie
Chrystal received an Ulta gift card
Richard received a Shiner Bock wall clock
Becky received a Target gift card
Trixy received a tree hammock
Jeremiah received a fedora
Rod received a indoor basketball
Mindy received a Sammy the Starfish Tuna autograph
Mindy: what the heck??
Rod: Mindy, lets not be ungrateful!
Mindy: I mean, I don't even like tuna!
Chrystal is already halfway our the door on her way to Ulta...
Brandt and Richard discuss Brandt's new Cowboy hoodie
Richard sets the time on his Shiner Bock clock
Becky has Target dollar signs racing through her head
Trixy is instagramming her hammock
Jeremiah is pulling a Tony Romo with his fedora and continues to spin his DJ mix cd's
Brandt: well, I'm glad everyone had a good time! Merry Christmas.......
Mindy: TUNA, really??
Rod bounces the basketball between his legs and dribbles it off his knee
everyone packs up and says their goodbye's!
Brandt looks around and is humbled by such great friends and a even better wife!
Chrystal: babe, I have a gift for you right here!
Chrystal pulls Brandt in for a very wifely kiss
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!!!!
P.S. any similarities in character or personalities was not intended. if you were offended or hurt, please call 1-800-idon'tcare.
Thank you for reading another award winning edition of a Truly Bizarro Christmas!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
Days of Our Lives
*now that it seems that our fake radio show, The Superfriends, has been canceled, lets see what our friends are up to these days*
-aboard flight 93 headed to Australia-
Mandy is snoring and drooling in her seat as Rohan catches up on some highlights from the Dallas Mavericks NBA championship win
Mandy (snore, drool, burp)
Rohan: man this Dirk guy is good! (wonders to himself, again why did I lose to Brian in basketball)
flight attendant: excuse me sir, can you tell your wife to quiet down please? she is causing a ruckus!
Rohan: (embarrassed) sure no problem. hey Mandy, (nudges her) quiet down, your embarrassing me.
5 minutes later
flight attendant: excuse me sir, can you please wake you wife, she is snoring something fierce!
Rohan: (nudges) Mandy, wake up!
Mandy: (semi-awake) what, huh?
Rohan: you're snoring too loud!
Mandy wipes the drool from her mouth and continues sleeping.
Rohan puts his earbuds in and fires up some Metallica.
Mandy awakens to the said Metallica blaring from Rohan's head phones and screams, "Rohan, you're being too loud!"
Rohan slumps in his chair as knows they still have 18 hours left on their flight.
-back in the great state of Texas-
*crickets, leaves rustling, the sound of hot ensues-
Brian in a little girls voice, "Christy it is too hot!"
Christy: no it's not!
Brian checks his phone for a weather update, and it is a sweaty 108.
Brian: babe, it is 108!
Christy: Brian, man-up! put your big boy panties on and help me with this tent.
-Christy and Brian are in LLano Texas, camping for the weekend.
Brian mutters under his breath, "it's too hot!"
Christy: what was that Brian??
Brian: I said it is er, um, I need a shot! (looking like death warmed over)
Christy: once we put up the tent we can go climb the Rock! (the rock is called Enchanted Rock)
Brian: but, I need my xanax to kick in first!
Christy: (sigh) well get after it then, mama, needs to go on a hike...
Brian: (mutters) don't tell me what to do?
Christy: throws the poles at Brian and you make the tent, I'm going for a run!
Brian is left standing with a heap of tentness and has no clue what to do.
Christy is seen running out on a rocky trail for her daily run.
Brian: I wish we were staying in Fredericksburg, this is silliness!
5 yr. old boy camper: hey, you need some help mister?
Brian: with what? oh this, nah, I can handle it!
5 yr. old camper: doesn't look like it, let me help.
5 yr. old camper proceeds to put up the tent post haste.
Brian: wait, let me help those poles are heavy!
5 yr. old camper ignores Brian and puts up the tent and wanders back over to parents campsite.
Brian looks on in wonder.
the little boy can be seen giving his dad a hi-five and throws a football back and forth with him.
Brian sits in a heap of sweat and embarrassment.
Christy has returned from her jaunt and is amazed that Brian has put the tent up all by himself.
Christy: good job babe!
Brian: but, I didn't....
Christy: what, it looks good!
Brian: you're not hearing me...
Christy: just take a compliment, geeze!
Brian takes his xanax and is ready to climb Enchanted Rock.
-meanwhile in the burbs of North Richland Hills-
Troy is seen playing with kids and his wife Becca come into the room all excited!
Becca: Troy!!!!!!!!!!!
Troy with baby toys tossed to and fro, "yes dear"
Becca: I'm pregnant!!!!
Troy: what??? again???
Becca: yes!!! (in joyous hysterics)
Troy is left to ponder how and why...
-flight 93 has landed in Geelong, Australia-
Rohan awakens Mandy and they leave the airplane
Mandy: Rohan, do you ever think about our fake radio show?
Rohan: Mandy, we just got back home! it's not even been 24 hours....
Mandy: I know I know, but it was so much fun working with Brian and Christy.
Rohan: well, I've had enough of the Texas heat, Brian beating me repeatedly in basketball, and being away from home...
Mandy: well, it just seems like we could figure something out about it!
Rohan: like what?
Mandy: maybe we could do it still, like an overseas show.
Rohan: Mandy, lets go please. I have some fishing to do.
Mandy: alright! (looks longing out the car window, as they drive to their house)
-back at Enchanted Rock-
Christy and Brian heave to and trice up the side of the Rock
Christy: see babe, you're a beast!
Brian sheepishly looks around and notices he is about 3/4 of the way to the top
Brian: you know what? I'm well past the point that Mandy has hiked up here! (triumphantly proclaims)
Christy: yes you are dear! she stopped way down there. (points back down the rock)
Brian races his beautiful wife the remaining steps to the top
Christy: see hon, you did awesome!
Brian boldy thrusts his arms in the air and Christy sheds a tear for hubby's great accomplishment
Brian and Christy share a quiet moment and Brian whispers to her,"wonder if we could revive our radio show?"
Christy: but, Mandy and Rohan are in Australia?? and I have a real, I mean, new job...
Brian: just a thought!
-back in North Richland Hills-
Troy is seen cleaning up the toys and rocks baby Chase to bed
Becca has been nonstop on the phone telling all her friends about her impending pregnantness
Troy looks out the window and ponders what it will be like not technically directing the Superfriends radio show
-at Enchanted Rock-
Brian and Christy pack up from their eventful weekend of camping and hiking. while driving out of the park, they turn the radio on and Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix is playing....
Christy looks at Brian and Brian back at Christy, and they both give a knowing nod!
-Geelong, Australia-
Rohan turns on the radio and catches the tale end of Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix and Mandy is giggling at the memories of the Superfriends.
* tune in next time as we rate and debate what will happen next *
goodnight LLano...
-aboard flight 93 headed to Australia-
Mandy is snoring and drooling in her seat as Rohan catches up on some highlights from the Dallas Mavericks NBA championship win
Mandy (snore, drool, burp)
Rohan: man this Dirk guy is good! (wonders to himself, again why did I lose to Brian in basketball)
flight attendant: excuse me sir, can you tell your wife to quiet down please? she is causing a ruckus!
Rohan: (embarrassed) sure no problem. hey Mandy, (nudges her) quiet down, your embarrassing me.
5 minutes later
flight attendant: excuse me sir, can you please wake you wife, she is snoring something fierce!
Rohan: (nudges) Mandy, wake up!
Mandy: (semi-awake) what, huh?
Rohan: you're snoring too loud!
Mandy wipes the drool from her mouth and continues sleeping.
Rohan puts his earbuds in and fires up some Metallica.
Mandy awakens to the said Metallica blaring from Rohan's head phones and screams, "Rohan, you're being too loud!"
Rohan slumps in his chair as knows they still have 18 hours left on their flight.
-back in the great state of Texas-
*crickets, leaves rustling, the sound of hot ensues-
Brian in a little girls voice, "Christy it is too hot!"
Christy: no it's not!
Brian checks his phone for a weather update, and it is a sweaty 108.
Brian: babe, it is 108!
Christy: Brian, man-up! put your big boy panties on and help me with this tent.
-Christy and Brian are in LLano Texas, camping for the weekend.
Brian mutters under his breath, "it's too hot!"
Christy: what was that Brian??
Brian: I said it is er, um, I need a shot! (looking like death warmed over)
Christy: once we put up the tent we can go climb the Rock! (the rock is called Enchanted Rock)
Brian: but, I need my xanax to kick in first!
Christy: (sigh) well get after it then, mama, needs to go on a hike...
Brian: (mutters) don't tell me what to do?
Christy: throws the poles at Brian and you make the tent, I'm going for a run!
Brian is left standing with a heap of tentness and has no clue what to do.
Christy is seen running out on a rocky trail for her daily run.
Brian: I wish we were staying in Fredericksburg, this is silliness!
5 yr. old boy camper: hey, you need some help mister?
Brian: with what? oh this, nah, I can handle it!
5 yr. old camper: doesn't look like it, let me help.
5 yr. old camper proceeds to put up the tent post haste.
Brian: wait, let me help those poles are heavy!
5 yr. old camper ignores Brian and puts up the tent and wanders back over to parents campsite.
Brian looks on in wonder.
the little boy can be seen giving his dad a hi-five and throws a football back and forth with him.
Brian sits in a heap of sweat and embarrassment.
Christy has returned from her jaunt and is amazed that Brian has put the tent up all by himself.
Christy: good job babe!
Brian: but, I didn't....
Christy: what, it looks good!
Brian: you're not hearing me...
Christy: just take a compliment, geeze!
Brian takes his xanax and is ready to climb Enchanted Rock.
-meanwhile in the burbs of North Richland Hills-
Troy is seen playing with kids and his wife Becca come into the room all excited!
Becca: Troy!!!!!!!!!!!
Troy with baby toys tossed to and fro, "yes dear"
Becca: I'm pregnant!!!!
Troy: what??? again???
Becca: yes!!! (in joyous hysterics)
Troy is left to ponder how and why...
-flight 93 has landed in Geelong, Australia-
Rohan awakens Mandy and they leave the airplane
Mandy: Rohan, do you ever think about our fake radio show?
Rohan: Mandy, we just got back home! it's not even been 24 hours....
Mandy: I know I know, but it was so much fun working with Brian and Christy.
Rohan: well, I've had enough of the Texas heat, Brian beating me repeatedly in basketball, and being away from home...
Mandy: well, it just seems like we could figure something out about it!
Rohan: like what?
Mandy: maybe we could do it still, like an overseas show.
Rohan: Mandy, lets go please. I have some fishing to do.
Mandy: alright! (looks longing out the car window, as they drive to their house)
-back at Enchanted Rock-
Christy and Brian heave to and trice up the side of the Rock
Christy: see babe, you're a beast!
Brian sheepishly looks around and notices he is about 3/4 of the way to the top
Brian: you know what? I'm well past the point that Mandy has hiked up here! (triumphantly proclaims)
Christy: yes you are dear! she stopped way down there. (points back down the rock)
Brian races his beautiful wife the remaining steps to the top
Christy: see hon, you did awesome!
Brian boldy thrusts his arms in the air and Christy sheds a tear for hubby's great accomplishment
Brian and Christy share a quiet moment and Brian whispers to her,"wonder if we could revive our radio show?"
Christy: but, Mandy and Rohan are in Australia?? and I have a real, I mean, new job...
Brian: just a thought!
-back in North Richland Hills-
Troy is seen cleaning up the toys and rocks baby Chase to bed
Becca has been nonstop on the phone telling all her friends about her impending pregnantness
Troy looks out the window and ponders what it will be like not technically directing the Superfriends radio show
-at Enchanted Rock-
Brian and Christy pack up from their eventful weekend of camping and hiking. while driving out of the park, they turn the radio on and Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix is playing....
Christy looks at Brian and Brian back at Christy, and they both give a knowing nod!
-Geelong, Australia-
Rohan turns on the radio and catches the tale end of Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix and Mandy is giggling at the memories of the Superfriends.
* tune in next time as we rate and debate what will happen next *
goodnight LLano...
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
End of an Era?
*it has been almost a year since we last heard from the Superfriends*
while digging through piles of dirty clothes, I have unearthed audio which sounds like the last days of the Superfriends broadcast!
Mandy: Rohan, where is my bucket of tuna??
Rohan: Mandy, we are not packing tuna to take with us to Australia!!
Mandy: (looking confused) yes, yes we are...
Rohan: ummmm, no we aren't! they have tuna in Australia.
Mandy looks for her tuna bucket...
-meanwhile at the Peters/Robinson residence-
Brian awakes from his sleep to a bountiful heap of kittens
Brian: arghhhhhhh! what the ................
Christy: (comes running in the room) what happened? did you fall off the bed again?
Brian: (looking unamused) no! what is this? (pointing to the 2 little hair balls of kittens)
Christy: (kicking the ground with her foot) what? these cute little guys??
Brian: yes! where did they come from?
Christy: babe, if I have to explain where kittens come from then......
Brian: not funny! we are not keeping kittens here??
Christy: (makes a sound never ever heard before) YES WE ARE!
Brian looking over at these 2 mops of mess as they bat playfully at each other
Brian: (looking at his beautiful wife) ok.....
Christy: yippee! (does the happy dance)
-meanwhile back at the Buck residence-
Rohan: Mandy, does Brian still have my basketball?
Mandy: yes, remember that was the prize when ya'll played last!
Rohan: ok, ok! don't have to rub it in.
*phone rings*
Mandy: (picks up phone) hello!
on the other end is Christy
Christy: helloooo ledddeee! can you believe this is our last fake radio show??
Mandy: (all verklempt) I know.. and we are moving back to Australia!
Christy drops the phone and stands in silence
Mandy: hello, hello, Christy!!
*dialtone is heard*
approximately 10:47am
final pre-show run through
Brian: everyone here??
Mandy: well, Rohan went to go buy another basketball.
Christy: hey Brian, did you hear something?
Brian: hon, that is Mandy talking.
Mandy's jumping up and down, wondering why Christy didn't hear her or see her even though she has phone book to sit on
Christy: can we get on with this, I have some really money to make!
Mandy's still waving at Christy
Brian: Mandy, she is ignoring you!
Mandy slumps in a heap and eventually slides of the phone book onto the floor
Brian: ok, guys where is Troy? we can't do our final show without my trusted longtime friend.
Mandy: yes we can!
Christy is busy throwing darts at her Glenn Becksized poster
unbeknowing to the crew, Troy has tweeted that today he will not be coming to the finale.
his twitter handle is, #youcan'thandlethis. it tweets that he will be having lunch at the new In N' Out burger in Ft. Worth.
Mandy: but that doesn't open til September!
Mandy looks up the exact date of the opening and notices a story about a line already forming.
Brian: well, we will just have to make do!
*blasting through the sun baked studios is Jimi Hendrix's VooDoo Child*
Brian: welcome one and all to the last edition of the Superfriends 93.8.
Christy is seen pulling the darts out of Beck's face on her wall poster
Brian: on tap today, we have social media in sports, the upcoming Cowboys season and kitten talk.
Mandy: kitten talk??
Christy: kitten talk!!! I'm on it.....
Brian: well, while Christy gets her material together, lets take a few phone calls, shall we.
Mandy: line 1, you're on...
line1: hey Mandy, please turn your cell phone on, I have been trying to call you. our plane leaves earlier than I thought!!
Mandy: Rohan!! are you serious??? I'm on my way...
Brian: wait, what about the sho......
Mandy: sorry, I have to go, we can't miss our flight!
Mandy is seen running out of the studio with tuna bucket in hand, yelling out for Rohan, that she is on her way.
Christy is now ready for kitten talk.
Brian: babe, can we postpone this please. Mandy and Rohan are gone. Troy is AWOL.
Christy: wait!! did you have me get all these pictures and whatnot of these cute little kittens and now I'm being told to wait???
Brian: (defiantly) yes!
Christy leaves in a huff, looking at her kitty pictures and heads home to snuggle up to her 2 new baby kittens....
Brian is left all alone with none of his *Superfriends* not knowing that it would end like this...
not wanting to go out in a whimper, he reaches for his stash of Metallica cd's and plays them violently as he eats left over spaghetti.
-all that can be heard is Metallica's Sad But True.....
goodnight Canada!
while digging through piles of dirty clothes, I have unearthed audio which sounds like the last days of the Superfriends broadcast!
Mandy: Rohan, where is my bucket of tuna??
Rohan: Mandy, we are not packing tuna to take with us to Australia!!
Mandy: (looking confused) yes, yes we are...
Rohan: ummmm, no we aren't! they have tuna in Australia.
Mandy looks for her tuna bucket...
-meanwhile at the Peters/Robinson residence-
Brian awakes from his sleep to a bountiful heap of kittens
Brian: arghhhhhhh! what the ................
Christy: (comes running in the room) what happened? did you fall off the bed again?
Brian: (looking unamused) no! what is this? (pointing to the 2 little hair balls of kittens)
Christy: (kicking the ground with her foot) what? these cute little guys??
Brian: yes! where did they come from?
Christy: babe, if I have to explain where kittens come from then......
Brian: not funny! we are not keeping kittens here??
Christy: (makes a sound never ever heard before) YES WE ARE!
Brian looking over at these 2 mops of mess as they bat playfully at each other
Brian: (looking at his beautiful wife) ok.....
Christy: yippee! (does the happy dance)
-meanwhile back at the Buck residence-
Rohan: Mandy, does Brian still have my basketball?
Mandy: yes, remember that was the prize when ya'll played last!
Rohan: ok, ok! don't have to rub it in.
*phone rings*
Mandy: (picks up phone) hello!
on the other end is Christy
Christy: helloooo ledddeee! can you believe this is our last fake radio show??
Mandy: (all verklempt) I know.. and we are moving back to Australia!
Christy drops the phone and stands in silence
Mandy: hello, hello, Christy!!
*dialtone is heard*
approximately 10:47am
final pre-show run through
Brian: everyone here??
Mandy: well, Rohan went to go buy another basketball.
Christy: hey Brian, did you hear something?
Brian: hon, that is Mandy talking.
Mandy's jumping up and down, wondering why Christy didn't hear her or see her even though she has phone book to sit on
Christy: can we get on with this, I have some really money to make!
Mandy's still waving at Christy
Brian: Mandy, she is ignoring you!
Mandy slumps in a heap and eventually slides of the phone book onto the floor
Brian: ok, guys where is Troy? we can't do our final show without my trusted longtime friend.
Mandy: yes we can!
Christy is busy throwing darts at her Glenn Becksized poster
unbeknowing to the crew, Troy has tweeted that today he will not be coming to the finale.
his twitter handle is, #youcan'thandlethis. it tweets that he will be having lunch at the new In N' Out burger in Ft. Worth.
Mandy: but that doesn't open til September!
Mandy looks up the exact date of the opening and notices a story about a line already forming.
Brian: well, we will just have to make do!
*blasting through the sun baked studios is Jimi Hendrix's VooDoo Child*
Brian: welcome one and all to the last edition of the Superfriends 93.8.
Christy is seen pulling the darts out of Beck's face on her wall poster
Brian: on tap today, we have social media in sports, the upcoming Cowboys season and kitten talk.
Mandy: kitten talk??
Christy: kitten talk!!! I'm on it.....
Brian: well, while Christy gets her material together, lets take a few phone calls, shall we.
Mandy: line 1, you're on...
line1: hey Mandy, please turn your cell phone on, I have been trying to call you. our plane leaves earlier than I thought!!
Mandy: Rohan!! are you serious??? I'm on my way...
Brian: wait, what about the sho......
Mandy: sorry, I have to go, we can't miss our flight!
Mandy is seen running out of the studio with tuna bucket in hand, yelling out for Rohan, that she is on her way.
Christy is now ready for kitten talk.
Brian: babe, can we postpone this please. Mandy and Rohan are gone. Troy is AWOL.
Christy: wait!! did you have me get all these pictures and whatnot of these cute little kittens and now I'm being told to wait???
Brian: (defiantly) yes!
Christy leaves in a huff, looking at her kitty pictures and heads home to snuggle up to her 2 new baby kittens....
Brian is left all alone with none of his *Superfriends* not knowing that it would end like this...
not wanting to go out in a whimper, he reaches for his stash of Metallica cd's and plays them violently as he eats left over spaghetti.
-all that can be heard is Metallica's Sad But True.....
goodnight Canada!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2010 Edition!
Hello one and all! It is that time of year again. It's time for my joculary edifying Christmas story! This is my 5th year of time wasting, er I mean, blogging about all things Christmas. If you have not read my past posts, then you truly have not lived. Truly! Anyways on with the show. What I do each and every year is blog about my life and friends in a bizarro world of gift giving and most importantly gift receiving. Remember friends, this is fake, not to hurt feelings but too giggle and guffaw!
I bring to you A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2010!
my cast of strong:
Brandt played perfectly by Brian
Chrystal impersonated quite hot by my wife Christy
Mindy portrayed by aloof, but funny little friend Mandy
Rod aka Rohan (Mandy's australian husband)
Richard aka Troy (Brian's best friend of the last 23 years)
Becky aka Becca (Troy's very very pregnant wife)
Tripp aka Trey (Brian's HS friend)
making a cameo appearance-
Juanita aka Juanell (Christy's mother)
MawMaw aka Grandma (Brian's sainted grandmother)
now that all of the introductions and needed bathroom breaks are out of the way lets get this party started...
Brandt walks in the bedroom as Chrystal drools on her pillow while laying in bed.
Brandt: Chrystal! it is 11:30am....
Chrystal: will you give me a wakey back massage?
Brandt obliges. to Chrystal's disgust she asks, " Two hands!!!!" Brandt does as asked.
Brandt tells Chrystal: guess what I have?
Chrystal: what? another wrestling dvd??? (giggle)
Brandt: guess!
Chrystal: I hate guessing, just tell me!
Brandt: I have a lottery ticket.
Chrystal: and?
Brandt: I have a good feeling about this...
Chrystal: is this the same good feeling you had about your Longhorns and Cowboys this year? (giggle)
Brandt: nooooooo! (he scratches furiously away at the ticket)
*phone rings*
Brandt: ughhh... will you answer that please!
Chrystal: no, I'll let it go to voice mail.
Brandt: what if it is important?
the phone is on its fourth ring
Chrystal finally answers the phone and it is her mom Juanita
Chrystal: hello.
Juanita (already talking) did I wake you?
Chrystal: no, what's up?
Juanita: just seeing how my dear daughter is doing.
Chrystal: mom, let me call you back Brandt is beating my down with some lottery ticket.
Juanita: need me to call the police?
Chrystal: what? no!, I'll call back!
Juanita: ok, bye...... hey real quick!
Chrystal (dial tone)
Brandt: WOOHOOOOOOO! I won, I mean we won!
Chrystal (not impressed) what did we win?
Brandt: we won a million dollars!!!!!
Chrystal: really!!!!! (quickly jumps up and does the running man)
Brandt (grabs his newly bought I-phone): I'm gonna call Richard!
Brandt frantically tries to call Richard but he is not answering.
Richard and his wife Becky are in transport to the local hospital. Becky's water has broken and she is ready to give birth to their new baby boy. The boy's new name is Christopher Brian Matheny.
Brandt leaves a voice mail and tells Richard he has great news.
Brandt: bro, I have won a million dollars!!!!!!
*ding dong*
Chrystal: will you get that hon?
Brandt in a joyous skip to the door answers and it is Mindy and Rod.
Brandt: well hello there my commoner friends!
Mindy: what?
Rod: ready for a basketball game?
Brandt smugly looks down on his friends and says. "Mindy, Chrystal is in there (pointing to the bedroom) and Rod my good ol' chap, I don't have time for basketball today, I need to go collect my check.
Rod: what check?
Brandt: you wouldn't understand!
Brandt leaves post haste.
Mindy: Chrystal, what has gotten into Brandt? what is the cheese again?
Chrystal: he says we won the lottery!
Mindy: oh wow! really? how much?
Chrystal: one million dollars!!
Rod (eavesdropping): what?
*phone rings on Brandt's cell phone* ring ring.
Brandt can't hear it due to the blaring Metallica in his car. Tripp leaves a voicemail about a funny story about the cops putting out fake lottery tickets to dupe people into thinking they won so they would go collect only to get snared by the police.
Brandt giddily runs into the store to claim his prize only to be engulfed by the fine uniformed officers of Dallas. it seems Brandt forgot to pay a ticket that is now outstanding.
Chrystal meanwhile is preparing for their Christmas feast. MawMaw has arrived and brought the turkey and dressing. (just the way Brandt likes it)
Mindy is seen tasting the dressing with her fingers, while Rod has turned on the t.v. to watch the Mavericks.
Richard and Becky are proud parents of a new bouncing baby boy! new name is Chase Raider Matheny.
Richard: great job honey!
Becky: thank you...
Richard: do you think Brandt will be offended that we didn't name Chase after him?
Becky: I don't really care, he still hasn't paid for that Christmas tree ornament from the Longhorn game in 05'.
Richard: duly noted!
back at the Peters/Robinson abode-
Rod is seen snoring on the couch with maverick basketball playing in the back ground.
Mindy is still tasting the dressing and turkey with her fingers.
Brandt is sitting in Lew Sterrett (a Dallas jail) waiting to make his one call. It seems a very buff Jerry Wayne from Mesquite is hogging the phone talking to one of his friends.
Chrystal is back at home setting the table wondering where her mom is. *phone rings*
Juanita: Chrystal, I'm on my way. sorry for being late but I.....
Chrystal: mom it is ok, but I'm really busy here just come on over....
Brandt finally makes his one phone call. He calls his wife and gets an immediate voice mail.
Chrystal it seems has put her phone on silent.
Brandt can't believe his bad luck. The officer comes to bring Brandt to the waiting cell. Brandt sits next to Jerry Wayne who winks at him knowingly.
Chrystal/Mindy/Rod/Juanita and MawMaw all gather around the Christmas feast and say their blessings to Santa Baby Jesus.
Mawmaw: "asks where Brandt is?"
Chrystal: He has a huge surprise for everyone!
-while back at Lew Sterret- Brandt is seen in the fetal position sobbing uncontollably!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! bye 2010....
I bring to you A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2010!
my cast of strong:
Brandt played perfectly by Brian
Chrystal impersonated quite hot by my wife Christy
Mindy portrayed by aloof, but funny little friend Mandy
Rod aka Rohan (Mandy's australian husband)
Richard aka Troy (Brian's best friend of the last 23 years)
Becky aka Becca (Troy's very very pregnant wife)
Tripp aka Trey (Brian's HS friend)
making a cameo appearance-
Juanita aka Juanell (Christy's mother)
MawMaw aka Grandma (Brian's sainted grandmother)
now that all of the introductions and needed bathroom breaks are out of the way lets get this party started...
Brandt walks in the bedroom as Chrystal drools on her pillow while laying in bed.
Brandt: Chrystal! it is 11:30am....
Chrystal: will you give me a wakey back massage?
Brandt obliges. to Chrystal's disgust she asks, " Two hands!!!!" Brandt does as asked.
Brandt tells Chrystal: guess what I have?
Chrystal: what? another wrestling dvd??? (giggle)
Brandt: guess!
Chrystal: I hate guessing, just tell me!
Brandt: I have a lottery ticket.
Chrystal: and?
Brandt: I have a good feeling about this...
Chrystal: is this the same good feeling you had about your Longhorns and Cowboys this year? (giggle)
Brandt: nooooooo! (he scratches furiously away at the ticket)
*phone rings*
Brandt: ughhh... will you answer that please!
Chrystal: no, I'll let it go to voice mail.
Brandt: what if it is important?
the phone is on its fourth ring
Chrystal finally answers the phone and it is her mom Juanita
Chrystal: hello.
Juanita (already talking) did I wake you?
Chrystal: no, what's up?
Juanita: just seeing how my dear daughter is doing.
Chrystal: mom, let me call you back Brandt is beating my down with some lottery ticket.
Juanita: need me to call the police?
Chrystal: what? no!, I'll call back!
Juanita: ok, bye...... hey real quick!
Chrystal (dial tone)
Brandt: WOOHOOOOOOO! I won, I mean we won!
Chrystal (not impressed) what did we win?
Brandt: we won a million dollars!!!!!
Chrystal: really!!!!! (quickly jumps up and does the running man)
Brandt (grabs his newly bought I-phone): I'm gonna call Richard!
Brandt frantically tries to call Richard but he is not answering.
Richard and his wife Becky are in transport to the local hospital. Becky's water has broken and she is ready to give birth to their new baby boy. The boy's new name is Christopher Brian Matheny.
Brandt leaves a voice mail and tells Richard he has great news.
Brandt: bro, I have won a million dollars!!!!!!
*ding dong*
Chrystal: will you get that hon?
Brandt in a joyous skip to the door answers and it is Mindy and Rod.
Brandt: well hello there my commoner friends!
Mindy: what?
Rod: ready for a basketball game?
Brandt smugly looks down on his friends and says. "Mindy, Chrystal is in there (pointing to the bedroom) and Rod my good ol' chap, I don't have time for basketball today, I need to go collect my check.
Rod: what check?
Brandt: you wouldn't understand!
Brandt leaves post haste.
Mindy: Chrystal, what has gotten into Brandt? what is the cheese again?
Chrystal: he says we won the lottery!
Mindy: oh wow! really? how much?
Chrystal: one million dollars!!
Rod (eavesdropping): what?
*phone rings on Brandt's cell phone* ring ring.
Brandt can't hear it due to the blaring Metallica in his car. Tripp leaves a voicemail about a funny story about the cops putting out fake lottery tickets to dupe people into thinking they won so they would go collect only to get snared by the police.
Brandt giddily runs into the store to claim his prize only to be engulfed by the fine uniformed officers of Dallas. it seems Brandt forgot to pay a ticket that is now outstanding.
Chrystal meanwhile is preparing for their Christmas feast. MawMaw has arrived and brought the turkey and dressing. (just the way Brandt likes it)
Mindy is seen tasting the dressing with her fingers, while Rod has turned on the t.v. to watch the Mavericks.
Richard and Becky are proud parents of a new bouncing baby boy! new name is Chase Raider Matheny.
Richard: great job honey!
Becky: thank you...
Richard: do you think Brandt will be offended that we didn't name Chase after him?
Becky: I don't really care, he still hasn't paid for that Christmas tree ornament from the Longhorn game in 05'.
Richard: duly noted!
back at the Peters/Robinson abode-
Rod is seen snoring on the couch with maverick basketball playing in the back ground.
Mindy is still tasting the dressing and turkey with her fingers.
Brandt is sitting in Lew Sterrett (a Dallas jail) waiting to make his one call. It seems a very buff Jerry Wayne from Mesquite is hogging the phone talking to one of his friends.
Chrystal is back at home setting the table wondering where her mom is. *phone rings*
Juanita: Chrystal, I'm on my way. sorry for being late but I.....
Chrystal: mom it is ok, but I'm really busy here just come on over....
Brandt finally makes his one phone call. He calls his wife and gets an immediate voice mail.
Chrystal it seems has put her phone on silent.
Brandt can't believe his bad luck. The officer comes to bring Brandt to the waiting cell. Brandt sits next to Jerry Wayne who winks at him knowingly.
Chrystal/Mindy/Rod/Juanita and MawMaw all gather around the Christmas feast and say their blessings to Santa Baby Jesus.
Mawmaw: "asks where Brandt is?"
Chrystal: He has a huge surprise for everyone!
-while back at Lew Sterret- Brandt is seen in the fetal position sobbing uncontollably!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! bye 2010....
Friday, March 12, 2010
Superfriends Spring Break Edition!
previously on the Superfriends....
Mandy: I'm tired!
Rohan: what's new....
Mandy: hey, I lead a hectic life.
Rohan: O, Mandy, give it a rest.
Mandy: why are you in a bad mood? did Brian beat you in another game of basketball??
Rohan: (schlumps shoulders and vomits in mouth)
Brian: hey Christy, we need to discuss finances tonight!
Christy: I have a date with 24 Hour Fitness tonight.
Brian: I didn't ask....
Christy: (gives Brian the one fingered salute)
10:15 a.m. preshow meeting
Brian: first.
Christy: what does that mean?
Brian: means I was first in the chair.
Mandy: first!
Christy: Mandy, Brian beat you this time.
Rohan: are we still doing this ridiculous game?
Brian: you're just sore from our last bball game! 11-2 brotha....
Mandy: can we get on with the show run down...
Christy: yes please, my life hangs on everything Superfriend. (looks on lustily at her new Twilight poster)
Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix wails through the Superfriends studio.
Brian: welcome one and all to another vomit inducing, forehead slapping, back aching edition of the Superfriends.
Mandy: vomit inducing? I promise not to vomit today.
Christy: guys we are already late on our run sheet.
Brian: ladies, calm down calm down.
Christy/Mandy: we are calm!
Brian; well, while you girls get calm, today's show brings hilarity, professionalism, and most of all e-mails.
Troy: ok chief, I have a list of emails for our segment.
Christy: wait a minute! you said I could answer e-mails today!
Brian: (shoos Troy away) yes, well we will introduce our new segment today called what's in Christy's Bag?
Christy: bag? I don't have a bag!
Brian: it is radio lingo, work with me here.
Mandy: so what am I suppose to do?
Rohan: you could get me some tea and ding dong cake.
Mandy: you said I didn't have to get you stuff if we were at work!!!!!
Troy: can we move this along please....
Mandy: (gives Troy the stink eye)
Troy: (gives Mandy the flamingo gun)
Mandy: (gives Troy the Russian leg sweep)
Troy: (gives Mandy the Polish hammer)
abruptly-Christy's song is played-
what's in Christy's e-mail? what's in Christy's email?
Brian: (looking at Christy), did you like your music? I did it myself.
Christy: (not amused) sure babe.
Brian: up first, we have an email from Scooter in Portland Oregon. Scooter asks, "Christy, thanks for the guided tour of Olympic Park. my question is, why didn't your husband come with?"
Brian: guided tour?
Christy: yes, thanks for using my e-mail Scooter, I toured some indiginous Oregonians in return for some gluten free treats. my hubby couldn't make it because of his fear of heights, flying and living in general...
Mandy: bahahahahahaha!
Brian: who rattled you cage Mandy?
Rohan: sore are we Brian?
Brian: about as sore after beating you in a game of one-on-one basketball!
Troy: score!
Mandy: lets see here, we have another question from Matt. Matt asks, "how did you become such an accomplished writer?"
Brian: I taugh......
Christy: well Matt thanks for asking. it took lots of hard work, many a year and dedication.
Mandy: good answer Christy!
Brian: well I'm a good writer with no formal education.
Rohan: now I understand!
Brian: (gives Rohan the throat slash sign)
Troy: I think we have time for one more question.
Christy: one more??? we just started!
Troy: well we have Nolan Ryan in 2 minutes..
Mandy: Nolan Ryan!!!! what has he done????
Brian/Troy: (slaps forehead)
Rohan: well our last question comes from, Juannyyy. she asks, "my sweet girl, when are you going to call or come by? love mom!"
Christy: MOM, I said I would call when I get home.
Troy: giggle!
Christy: Troy, don't you have some beer to drink!
Troy: beat you to it, I'm on my 3rd one already.
Brian: bro, it is only 12:30 p.m.
Mandy: drunk!!!!!
Brian: what was that Mandy?
Mandy: I said, krunk.
Rohan: why would you say krunk?
Mandy: Rohan!!!
Rohan: giggles!
Brian: well that segment went as well as a dolphin trainer feeding whales at Sea World.
Christy: Brian, that was uncalled for!
Brian: about as uncalled as Stabler and Benson not getting together on Law And Order SVU.
*breaking news*
Brian: aww man, we must have some breaking news...
Mandy: that is why the breaking news sounder was played.
Troy: seems like we have won 2 tickets to tonights Mavericks game.
Brian: well well well. I undoubtedly will take one of those.
Troy/Rohan: ohhhh, please take me!
Christy: don't look over here bub, me and Mandy have plans.
Brian: well, Troy/Rohan, you guys flip a coin or something.
Mandy: (leans over to Christy) what plans?
Christy: (whispers) work with me here, ok!
coin is tossed slowly in the air, Rohan looks on lazily. Troy looks on in a glaze.
coin hits the earth and the winner is---------------- Troy!
Troy: (does the running man)
Rohan: stuff it, I didn't want to go anyways!
mandy: but Ro..... you said you wanted to go....
Rohan: shhhhhh.....
Christy: Mandy, lets bounce!
Mandy: how????
Christy: (grabs Mandy by the arm)
Brian: (details the night of Mavs basketball with Troy)
Rohan: (is seen eating ding dong cake with his hands)
stay tuned for another cluster of an edition of the Superfriends!
Rohan sits in his chair surrounded by ding dong carnage watching the Mavs.
Brian gets elected to shoot 3 pointers at halftime to win $10,000!
Troy gets lost returning to his seats to watch Brian win $10,000.
Christy/Mandy get pulled over for speeding 75 in a 55!
Mandy: I'm tired!
Rohan: what's new....
Mandy: hey, I lead a hectic life.
Rohan: O, Mandy, give it a rest.
Mandy: why are you in a bad mood? did Brian beat you in another game of basketball??
Rohan: (schlumps shoulders and vomits in mouth)
Brian: hey Christy, we need to discuss finances tonight!
Christy: I have a date with 24 Hour Fitness tonight.
Brian: I didn't ask....
Christy: (gives Brian the one fingered salute)
10:15 a.m. preshow meeting
Brian: first.
Christy: what does that mean?
Brian: means I was first in the chair.
Mandy: first!
Christy: Mandy, Brian beat you this time.
Rohan: are we still doing this ridiculous game?
Brian: you're just sore from our last bball game! 11-2 brotha....
Mandy: can we get on with the show run down...
Christy: yes please, my life hangs on everything Superfriend. (looks on lustily at her new Twilight poster)
Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix wails through the Superfriends studio.
Brian: welcome one and all to another vomit inducing, forehead slapping, back aching edition of the Superfriends.
Mandy: vomit inducing? I promise not to vomit today.
Christy: guys we are already late on our run sheet.
Brian: ladies, calm down calm down.
Christy/Mandy: we are calm!
Brian; well, while you girls get calm, today's show brings hilarity, professionalism, and most of all e-mails.
Troy: ok chief, I have a list of emails for our segment.
Christy: wait a minute! you said I could answer e-mails today!
Brian: (shoos Troy away) yes, well we will introduce our new segment today called what's in Christy's Bag?
Christy: bag? I don't have a bag!
Brian: it is radio lingo, work with me here.
Mandy: so what am I suppose to do?
Rohan: you could get me some tea and ding dong cake.
Mandy: you said I didn't have to get you stuff if we were at work!!!!!
Troy: can we move this along please....
Mandy: (gives Troy the stink eye)
Troy: (gives Mandy the flamingo gun)
Mandy: (gives Troy the Russian leg sweep)
Troy: (gives Mandy the Polish hammer)
abruptly-Christy's song is played-
what's in Christy's e-mail? what's in Christy's email?
Brian: (looking at Christy), did you like your music? I did it myself.
Christy: (not amused) sure babe.
Brian: up first, we have an email from Scooter in Portland Oregon. Scooter asks, "Christy, thanks for the guided tour of Olympic Park. my question is, why didn't your husband come with?"
Brian: guided tour?
Christy: yes, thanks for using my e-mail Scooter, I toured some indiginous Oregonians in return for some gluten free treats. my hubby couldn't make it because of his fear of heights, flying and living in general...
Mandy: bahahahahahaha!
Brian: who rattled you cage Mandy?
Rohan: sore are we Brian?
Brian: about as sore after beating you in a game of one-on-one basketball!
Troy: score!
Mandy: lets see here, we have another question from Matt. Matt asks, "how did you become such an accomplished writer?"
Brian: I taugh......
Christy: well Matt thanks for asking. it took lots of hard work, many a year and dedication.
Mandy: good answer Christy!
Brian: well I'm a good writer with no formal education.
Rohan: now I understand!
Brian: (gives Rohan the throat slash sign)
Troy: I think we have time for one more question.
Christy: one more??? we just started!
Troy: well we have Nolan Ryan in 2 minutes..
Mandy: Nolan Ryan!!!! what has he done????
Brian/Troy: (slaps forehead)
Rohan: well our last question comes from, Juannyyy. she asks, "my sweet girl, when are you going to call or come by? love mom!"
Christy: MOM, I said I would call when I get home.
Troy: giggle!
Christy: Troy, don't you have some beer to drink!
Troy: beat you to it, I'm on my 3rd one already.
Brian: bro, it is only 12:30 p.m.
Mandy: drunk!!!!!
Brian: what was that Mandy?
Mandy: I said, krunk.
Rohan: why would you say krunk?
Mandy: Rohan!!!
Rohan: giggles!
Brian: well that segment went as well as a dolphin trainer feeding whales at Sea World.
Christy: Brian, that was uncalled for!
Brian: about as uncalled as Stabler and Benson not getting together on Law And Order SVU.
*breaking news*
Brian: aww man, we must have some breaking news...
Mandy: that is why the breaking news sounder was played.
Troy: seems like we have won 2 tickets to tonights Mavericks game.
Brian: well well well. I undoubtedly will take one of those.
Troy/Rohan: ohhhh, please take me!
Christy: don't look over here bub, me and Mandy have plans.
Brian: well, Troy/Rohan, you guys flip a coin or something.
Mandy: (leans over to Christy) what plans?
Christy: (whispers) work with me here, ok!
coin is tossed slowly in the air, Rohan looks on lazily. Troy looks on in a glaze.
coin hits the earth and the winner is---------------- Troy!
Troy: (does the running man)
Rohan: stuff it, I didn't want to go anyways!
mandy: but Ro..... you said you wanted to go....
Rohan: shhhhhh.....
Christy: Mandy, lets bounce!
Mandy: how????
Christy: (grabs Mandy by the arm)
Brian: (details the night of Mavs basketball with Troy)
Rohan: (is seen eating ding dong cake with his hands)
stay tuned for another cluster of an edition of the Superfriends!
Rohan sits in his chair surrounded by ding dong carnage watching the Mavs.
Brian gets elected to shoot 3 pointers at halftime to win $10,000!
Troy gets lost returning to his seats to watch Brian win $10,000.
Christy/Mandy get pulled over for speeding 75 in a 55!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
All Things Considered!
previously on the Superfriends:
Christy: Brian, I bought my ticket for New York!
Brian: wow, so you're really going?
Christy: I told you I need a vacation, bad!
Brian: I said we could go to Austin again.
Christy: sweetheart, I love Austin, and I like road trips but I need to go somewhere new and exciting!
Brian: ok. (with a glum look on his face)
Christy: you can come with.
Brian: babe, you know I can't!
Christy: you can. can't couldn't do anything.
Brian: (stares in oblivion)
preshow meeting:
Mandy: ok guys, I have the runsheet for the show.
Brian: Mandy, remember we said we would free wheel it from now on.
Mandy: well I changed the plans.
Brian: I'm the only one who can do that, it says so in my contract!
Mandy: Rohan!!!!!
Rohan: Mandy, just let it go.
Mandy: where is Christy?
Brian: she is in New York.
Mandy: what!!!!!!!!!
Brian: I know, left me all alone. I have to feed myself.
Rohan: I feel ya bro.
Mandy: (gives Rohan the evil eye) wish I would have known, I would have gone with her.
Brian: can we get the show going please?
Voodoo Child is thumping through the Superfriends studios.
Brian: welcome one and all to another side splitting edition of the world famous Superfriends!
Mandy: excuse me Brian, but don't we just broadcast a few block radius from here.
Brian: lets not split hairs here, we reach plenty of our loyal fans.
Rohan: so what is on the show today?
Brian: slow there Rohan, let the game come to you.
Mandy: where is Troy and Trey?
Brian: well Troy has baby duty this morning and Trey has the day off.
Mandy: we get days off?
Brian: Mandy, he begged ok!
Rohan: well on our special guest hotline we have Jerry Jones, owner of the Cowboys.
Mandy: (lol) well this should be fun!
Brian: (knowing this could get ugly with Mandy's distaste of the Cowboys and the owner, motions to Rohan to turn down Mandy's mic)
Mandy (thinks she is asking Jerry a question but isn't)
Brian: good morning Mr. Jones!
Mr. Jones: good morning to ya. How bout them Cowboys!
Brian: indeed, I'm proud of our boys.
Rohan: you gonna get rid of that spare Roy E. Williams?
Brian: (mortified) OMG! I'm sorry, disregard that last comment.
Mr. Jones: ok, well, I have and I will, certainly disregard it!
Mandy (screaming into turned off mic) why won't you answer me!
Brian: it's been almost 21 years since you have owned the Cowboys, how great is that?
Mr. Jones: well it is, and has been great! certainly, we can do more and we will!
Rohan: you guys are a joke, with no punchline!
Brian: Rohan! for the love of all....
Mr. Jones: well, I better go and I will do just that!
Brian: (schlumped shoulders)
Mandy: (just now figuring out her mic was turned off) who turned off mic?
Rohan/Brian: (both point at the other)
Mandy: well it was probably for the best, he is a jerk!
Brian: anyways, what is next?
Mandy: well since that was an unexpected guest, we have my momma!
Rohan: thought we were going to talk hunting and fishing?
Mandy: well it is not on my runsheet!
Brian: how about we talk Mavs?
Rohan: now you're talking..
Mandy: ok, we could talk about your man-crush on Dirk, Brian.
Brian: hey we all have our man crushes, right Rohan?
Rohan: dude seriously, that's gay!
Brian: are we gonna talk Mavs?
Mandy: well my momma is here. she wants to talk ding dong cake.
Rohan/Brian: OK!
Mandy: this segment is brought to you by The Office on Thursdays 9et./8ct on NBC.
Momma Pegues: Jesus loves you!
Brian: enlighten us on the recipe for ding dong cake. (pen ready)
Momma Pegues: I don't give away those recipes.
Rohan/Brian: Mandy, you said......
Mandy: well thank you momma for coming by, we'll be over later! (winking, ushering her out of the room)
Momma Pegues: (hurriedly says before door shuts) bye, Jesus lo.....
Rohan: we have a special caller on line 2.
Brian: line 2 caller go ahead!
line 2: hey guys, hows it going?
Mandy: Christy, my sweet sweet dear friend!
Line 2 caller (Christy): am I on the air?
Rohan: yes.
line 2 caller (Christy): I asked to not be on the air.
Brian: hey babe, how was the flight?
line 2 caller (Christy) I'll just call back, my ferry to the Statue of Liberty is about to take off anyways. love ya'll!
Brian: call me...
line 2 caller (Christy): (click-dial tone)
Mandy: wow, how cool is that, Christy called from NYC!
Brian: (depressed that Christy is gone)
Mandy: suck it up big boy, you could have gone!
Brian: (schlumps)
Rohan: Mandy, give the old chap a break! wanna go play a game of bball, again! (lol)
Brian: (in a depressed shaken voice) I better go.
Mandy: O come on!
Rohan: Mandy, he seems genuinely upset.
Brian: I know what can cheer me up!
Mandy: what? anything????
Brian: The Office reruns...
Rohan: oh good grief!
Mandy: (whispering) it is ok Rohan, he'll be asleep in 20 minutes anyway!
Rohan: ok, cool.
Mandy: with that, we sign off with another informative and funny episode of the Superfriends!
Brian: (secretly takes No-Doz to keep him awake for The Office reruns)
Mandy: goodnight and good luck!
after the show, Brian is seen carrying can of peanuts and a block of cheese.
Momma Pegues is hoarding her ding dong cake!
Rohan is cleaning his fish knife.
Mandy is opening a can of tuna. (Mandy likes tuna)
from afar in NYC, Christy is reveling in her New York vacation bliss!
Christy: Brian, I bought my ticket for New York!
Brian: wow, so you're really going?
Christy: I told you I need a vacation, bad!
Brian: I said we could go to Austin again.
Christy: sweetheart, I love Austin, and I like road trips but I need to go somewhere new and exciting!
Brian: ok. (with a glum look on his face)
Christy: you can come with.
Brian: babe, you know I can't!
Christy: you can. can't couldn't do anything.
Brian: (stares in oblivion)
preshow meeting:
Mandy: ok guys, I have the runsheet for the show.
Brian: Mandy, remember we said we would free wheel it from now on.
Mandy: well I changed the plans.
Brian: I'm the only one who can do that, it says so in my contract!
Mandy: Rohan!!!!!
Rohan: Mandy, just let it go.
Mandy: where is Christy?
Brian: she is in New York.
Mandy: what!!!!!!!!!
Brian: I know, left me all alone. I have to feed myself.
Rohan: I feel ya bro.
Mandy: (gives Rohan the evil eye) wish I would have known, I would have gone with her.
Brian: can we get the show going please?
Voodoo Child is thumping through the Superfriends studios.
Brian: welcome one and all to another side splitting edition of the world famous Superfriends!
Mandy: excuse me Brian, but don't we just broadcast a few block radius from here.
Brian: lets not split hairs here, we reach plenty of our loyal fans.
Rohan: so what is on the show today?
Brian: slow there Rohan, let the game come to you.
Mandy: where is Troy and Trey?
Brian: well Troy has baby duty this morning and Trey has the day off.
Mandy: we get days off?
Brian: Mandy, he begged ok!
Rohan: well on our special guest hotline we have Jerry Jones, owner of the Cowboys.
Mandy: (lol) well this should be fun!
Brian: (knowing this could get ugly with Mandy's distaste of the Cowboys and the owner, motions to Rohan to turn down Mandy's mic)
Mandy (thinks she is asking Jerry a question but isn't)
Brian: good morning Mr. Jones!
Mr. Jones: good morning to ya. How bout them Cowboys!
Brian: indeed, I'm proud of our boys.
Rohan: you gonna get rid of that spare Roy E. Williams?
Brian: (mortified) OMG! I'm sorry, disregard that last comment.
Mr. Jones: ok, well, I have and I will, certainly disregard it!
Mandy (screaming into turned off mic) why won't you answer me!
Brian: it's been almost 21 years since you have owned the Cowboys, how great is that?
Mr. Jones: well it is, and has been great! certainly, we can do more and we will!
Rohan: you guys are a joke, with no punchline!
Brian: Rohan! for the love of all....
Mr. Jones: well, I better go and I will do just that!
Brian: (schlumped shoulders)
Mandy: (just now figuring out her mic was turned off) who turned off mic?
Rohan/Brian: (both point at the other)
Mandy: well it was probably for the best, he is a jerk!
Brian: anyways, what is next?
Mandy: well since that was an unexpected guest, we have my momma!
Rohan: thought we were going to talk hunting and fishing?
Mandy: well it is not on my runsheet!
Brian: how about we talk Mavs?
Rohan: now you're talking..
Mandy: ok, we could talk about your man-crush on Dirk, Brian.
Brian: hey we all have our man crushes, right Rohan?
Rohan: dude seriously, that's gay!
Brian: are we gonna talk Mavs?
Mandy: well my momma is here. she wants to talk ding dong cake.
Rohan/Brian: OK!
Mandy: this segment is brought to you by The Office on Thursdays 9et./8ct on NBC.
Momma Pegues: Jesus loves you!
Brian: enlighten us on the recipe for ding dong cake. (pen ready)
Momma Pegues: I don't give away those recipes.
Rohan/Brian: Mandy, you said......
Mandy: well thank you momma for coming by, we'll be over later! (winking, ushering her out of the room)
Momma Pegues: (hurriedly says before door shuts) bye, Jesus lo.....
Rohan: we have a special caller on line 2.
Brian: line 2 caller go ahead!
line 2: hey guys, hows it going?
Mandy: Christy, my sweet sweet dear friend!
Line 2 caller (Christy): am I on the air?
Rohan: yes.
line 2 caller (Christy): I asked to not be on the air.
Brian: hey babe, how was the flight?
line 2 caller (Christy) I'll just call back, my ferry to the Statue of Liberty is about to take off anyways. love ya'll!
Brian: call me...
line 2 caller (Christy): (click-dial tone)
Mandy: wow, how cool is that, Christy called from NYC!
Brian: (depressed that Christy is gone)
Mandy: suck it up big boy, you could have gone!
Brian: (schlumps)
Rohan: Mandy, give the old chap a break! wanna go play a game of bball, again! (lol)
Brian: (in a depressed shaken voice) I better go.
Mandy: O come on!
Rohan: Mandy, he seems genuinely upset.
Brian: I know what can cheer me up!
Mandy: what? anything????
Brian: The Office reruns...
Rohan: oh good grief!
Mandy: (whispering) it is ok Rohan, he'll be asleep in 20 minutes anyway!
Rohan: ok, cool.
Mandy: with that, we sign off with another informative and funny episode of the Superfriends!
Brian: (secretly takes No-Doz to keep him awake for The Office reruns)
Mandy: goodnight and good luck!
after the show, Brian is seen carrying can of peanuts and a block of cheese.
Momma Pegues is hoarding her ding dong cake!
Rohan is cleaning his fish knife.
Mandy is opening a can of tuna. (Mandy likes tuna)
from afar in NYC, Christy is reveling in her New York vacation bliss!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A Truly Bizarro Christmas 09' Edition
welcome one and all to another side splitting edition of A Truly Bizarro Christmas. I'm working on my 4th year of this annual tradition. I love me some tradition! Christy on the other hand likes pumpkin pie and the Twilight books/movie. Go figure! Like every year this blog is made for giggling and laughing but usually ends up offending and alienating. I try my hardest but just like my paycheck it is never enough. My cast of strong and plentiful is:
Brian aka Brandt (to the slow and weak, this is me)
Christy aka Chrystal (my year and 4 month wife)
Mandy aka Mindy (long distance "friend")
Rohan aka Rod (Mandy's long suffering husband)
Troy aka Richard (long time close to home friend)
*joining the cast*- due to viewer complaints
Becca aka Becky (Troy's better half)
Trey aka Tripp (Brian's HS friend)
Liz aka Beth (Trey's significant other)
ok now that the minutia and whatnot is out of the way, on with the show!
it's 12:30 pm at the Robinson/Peters residence (Robinson had to go first in the introduction b/c of legal mumbo jumbo and to appeasement of Christy)
Chrystal: Brandt! Brandt! are you awake yet?
Brandt: yes dear! why are you yelling?
Chrystal: honey is not yelling, I'll let you know when I yell. have you finished you part of the decorating and preparedness of food?
Brandt: (with a beaten down look) yes, I put the tree up, did the dishes, folded the clothes and laid out the food.
Chrystal: ok, I'll make the pie then. can you make the bed real quick????
Brandt: (about to sit down and relax before guests come over) I guess!!
*door bell rings*
Richard and Becky are at the door.
Chrystal: Brandt, will you get that?
Brandt: I'm, I'm making the bed!
Chrystal: (peering out the window) it is Richard and Becky, they are YOUR friends!
Brandt: (opens the door) hey guys, how goes it? (takes their coats)
Richard: not bad bro, not bad.
Becky: wow, this is one small place!
Brandt: (looking downward) yeah well it has been a rough year financially.
Richard: (moving things along) ummm, lets see the living room shall we!
Becky: hon, we are standing in it, can't you see!
Brandt: ok, well here is our home, why don't ya'll have a seat.
Chrystal: (emerging from the kitchen) hey guys, sorry, I have to get this pie a baking.
*door bell rings*
Brandt without hesitation answers the door and Mindy, Rod, Tripp and Beth all arrive together.
Brandt: wow, you guys all arrived together!
Tripp: (wearing a Texas Tech sweater) thanks for stating the obvious there chief!
Mindy races in and gives Chrystal a huge hug and in doing so knocks over the pumpkin pie.
Chrystal: (in slow motion) nooooo!
Rod and Brandt giggle!
Mindy is seen sobbing and wiping snot from her sleeve.
Chrystal: it is ok Mindy I'll just make another one.
Brandt: but you said you would make a chocolate pie???
Chrystal: well we can't do that now can we! momma has to have her pumpkin pie.
Becky: what is all the commotion?
Mindy: I knocked over the pumpkin pie, I feel awful!
Becky: it is ok, we brought one.
Brandt: oh really, awesome!
Chrystal: is it gluten free?
Becky: why would it be?
Richard: (intercedes) hon, Chrystal can't eat anything with wheat or flour?
Becky: (struggling to comprehend) so you can't eat gluten and Brandt can't fly?
Brandt: well I can but I choose........
Richard: (directing his wife into the living room) lets go have a seat in here.
Rod: hey you see the Yankees won the World Series?
Brandt: dude they suck?
Tripp: (joins in) Wreck Em!
Brandt: tap the brakes there boss, the Longhorns are for real!
Chrystal: (seeing this will not end very well) ok, lets eat!
Mindy claps furiously!
the spread of food is on the table.
Beth: where are we suppose to sit?
Chrystal: I thought this year we could go buffet style and sit in the living room.
Mindy: good idea there!
Rod: as long as I get my fair share.
Brandt: well guests first. (eyes the dressing)
food is put away fast and furious. belts are unbuttoned and moaning/groaning is heard.
Brandt: ok, well lets do the gifts
Chrystal: yes, Mindy wanna help me pass them out!
Richard: ummm, (looking nervous) we forgot our gifts in the car! (elbows Becky)
Richard and Becky run to the car and feverishly write a check.
Rod: I love gifts!
Beth: Christmas time is for our Lord and Savior!
Brandt: well lets play some Christmas music shall we!
Tripp opens his gift and to his disappointment has received a Longhorn coffee mug.
Brandt: giggles!
Richard opens his gift and is happy to have a Harley Davidson collectors watch.
Becky opens hers and receives leg warmers.
Mindy thinks she will receive a bucket of tuna, so she opens hers and is astonished to not get the bucket of tuna but a bucket of ranch style beans.
Mindy: what tha????
Beth opens her gift and is perplexed as to why someone would give her a book by Al Gore on global warming.
Rod opens his gift which is in a make shift envelope. Rod is depressed that all he gets is a $15 check written in red by Richard.
Rod: dude!
Richard: your welcome!
Rod (leans over to Mindy), we gave him a Harley Davidson watch and all we get is a $15 check!
Chrystal opens her gift and to her unabashed and juvenile excitement has received a complete edition of the Twilight Series in book form.
Brandt looks on in pride and a twinge of glumness, knowing her time will be spent reading and he will continue to wash all dishes, fold all clothes and make all dinners.
Mindy: Brandt, open your gift.
Brandt: my gift is having all you friends here with me!
a collective air of friendship and togetherness can be felt!
Brandt: plus there is no gifts left.
Richard: oh contraire mon frere!
Mindy/Becky/Beth: what in the world does that mean?
Richard: work with me here. I did graduate from UNT!
Chrystal: and?
Brandt: what are you getting at?
Richard: well, look outside!
Brandt looks outside and to his amazement he sees a burnt orange 2009 Jeep Wrangler.
Tripp: wow bro, how.....
Brandt: is this for me?
Richard: yes it is, for being such a great best friend for the past 22 years, my parents have co-signed this Jeep for you!
Brandt: (crying) OMG!
Chrystal: I get shotgun!
Mindy: I get back seat!
Beth: can we get to the Christmas caroling?
Brandt: well lets make it quick b/c I'm going to test drive my new Jeep!
within 5 minutes of singing Brandt/Rod/Richard/Tripp are seen jumping in the Jeep and joyriding!
Beth/Becky/Chrystal/Mindy are left to carol on musical harmony!
less than one mile down the street Brandt has been pulled over for speeding and vandalism.
seems like a passenger in the back (named Richard or Tripp) threw an egg out the side.
gonna be a long night for the boys!
meanwhile the ladies are enjoying the new Twilight movie the New Moon!
much teenage giggling can be overheard from the local movie theater.
Brandt rings his one phone call from jail and gets Chrystal's voicemail!
thank you for reading this overly long and drawn out mess!
I thank you and my heart thanks you!
Brian aka Brandt (to the slow and weak, this is me)
Christy aka Chrystal (my year and 4 month wife)
Mandy aka Mindy (long distance "friend")
Rohan aka Rod (Mandy's long suffering husband)
Troy aka Richard (long time close to home friend)
*joining the cast*- due to viewer complaints
Becca aka Becky (Troy's better half)
Trey aka Tripp (Brian's HS friend)
Liz aka Beth (Trey's significant other)
ok now that the minutia and whatnot is out of the way, on with the show!
it's 12:30 pm at the Robinson/Peters residence (Robinson had to go first in the introduction b/c of legal mumbo jumbo and to appeasement of Christy)
Chrystal: Brandt! Brandt! are you awake yet?
Brandt: yes dear! why are you yelling?
Chrystal: honey is not yelling, I'll let you know when I yell. have you finished you part of the decorating and preparedness of food?
Brandt: (with a beaten down look) yes, I put the tree up, did the dishes, folded the clothes and laid out the food.
Chrystal: ok, I'll make the pie then. can you make the bed real quick????
Brandt: (about to sit down and relax before guests come over) I guess!!
*door bell rings*
Richard and Becky are at the door.
Chrystal: Brandt, will you get that?
Brandt: I'm, I'm making the bed!
Chrystal: (peering out the window) it is Richard and Becky, they are YOUR friends!
Brandt: (opens the door) hey guys, how goes it? (takes their coats)
Richard: not bad bro, not bad.
Becky: wow, this is one small place!
Brandt: (looking downward) yeah well it has been a rough year financially.
Richard: (moving things along) ummm, lets see the living room shall we!
Becky: hon, we are standing in it, can't you see!
Brandt: ok, well here is our home, why don't ya'll have a seat.
Chrystal: (emerging from the kitchen) hey guys, sorry, I have to get this pie a baking.
*door bell rings*
Brandt without hesitation answers the door and Mindy, Rod, Tripp and Beth all arrive together.
Brandt: wow, you guys all arrived together!
Tripp: (wearing a Texas Tech sweater) thanks for stating the obvious there chief!
Mindy races in and gives Chrystal a huge hug and in doing so knocks over the pumpkin pie.
Chrystal: (in slow motion) nooooo!
Rod and Brandt giggle!
Mindy is seen sobbing and wiping snot from her sleeve.
Chrystal: it is ok Mindy I'll just make another one.
Brandt: but you said you would make a chocolate pie???
Chrystal: well we can't do that now can we! momma has to have her pumpkin pie.
Becky: what is all the commotion?
Mindy: I knocked over the pumpkin pie, I feel awful!
Becky: it is ok, we brought one.
Brandt: oh really, awesome!
Chrystal: is it gluten free?
Becky: why would it be?
Richard: (intercedes) hon, Chrystal can't eat anything with wheat or flour?
Becky: (struggling to comprehend) so you can't eat gluten and Brandt can't fly?
Brandt: well I can but I choose........
Richard: (directing his wife into the living room) lets go have a seat in here.
Rod: hey you see the Yankees won the World Series?
Brandt: dude they suck?
Tripp: (joins in) Wreck Em!
Brandt: tap the brakes there boss, the Longhorns are for real!
Chrystal: (seeing this will not end very well) ok, lets eat!
Mindy claps furiously!
the spread of food is on the table.
Beth: where are we suppose to sit?
Chrystal: I thought this year we could go buffet style and sit in the living room.
Mindy: good idea there!
Rod: as long as I get my fair share.
Brandt: well guests first. (eyes the dressing)
food is put away fast and furious. belts are unbuttoned and moaning/groaning is heard.
Brandt: ok, well lets do the gifts
Chrystal: yes, Mindy wanna help me pass them out!
Richard: ummm, (looking nervous) we forgot our gifts in the car! (elbows Becky)
Richard and Becky run to the car and feverishly write a check.
Rod: I love gifts!
Beth: Christmas time is for our Lord and Savior!
Brandt: well lets play some Christmas music shall we!
Tripp opens his gift and to his disappointment has received a Longhorn coffee mug.
Brandt: giggles!
Richard opens his gift and is happy to have a Harley Davidson collectors watch.
Becky opens hers and receives leg warmers.
Mindy thinks she will receive a bucket of tuna, so she opens hers and is astonished to not get the bucket of tuna but a bucket of ranch style beans.
Mindy: what tha????
Beth opens her gift and is perplexed as to why someone would give her a book by Al Gore on global warming.
Rod opens his gift which is in a make shift envelope. Rod is depressed that all he gets is a $15 check written in red by Richard.
Rod: dude!
Richard: your welcome!
Rod (leans over to Mindy), we gave him a Harley Davidson watch and all we get is a $15 check!
Chrystal opens her gift and to her unabashed and juvenile excitement has received a complete edition of the Twilight Series in book form.
Brandt looks on in pride and a twinge of glumness, knowing her time will be spent reading and he will continue to wash all dishes, fold all clothes and make all dinners.
Mindy: Brandt, open your gift.
Brandt: my gift is having all you friends here with me!
a collective air of friendship and togetherness can be felt!
Brandt: plus there is no gifts left.
Richard: oh contraire mon frere!
Mindy/Becky/Beth: what in the world does that mean?
Richard: work with me here. I did graduate from UNT!
Chrystal: and?
Brandt: what are you getting at?
Richard: well, look outside!
Brandt looks outside and to his amazement he sees a burnt orange 2009 Jeep Wrangler.
Tripp: wow bro, how.....
Brandt: is this for me?
Richard: yes it is, for being such a great best friend for the past 22 years, my parents have co-signed this Jeep for you!
Brandt: (crying) OMG!
Chrystal: I get shotgun!
Mindy: I get back seat!
Beth: can we get to the Christmas caroling?
Brandt: well lets make it quick b/c I'm going to test drive my new Jeep!
within 5 minutes of singing Brandt/Rod/Richard/Tripp are seen jumping in the Jeep and joyriding!
Beth/Becky/Chrystal/Mindy are left to carol on musical harmony!
less than one mile down the street Brandt has been pulled over for speeding and vandalism.
seems like a passenger in the back (named Richard or Tripp) threw an egg out the side.
gonna be a long night for the boys!
meanwhile the ladies are enjoying the new Twilight movie the New Moon!
much teenage giggling can be overheard from the local movie theater.
Brandt rings his one phone call from jail and gets Chrystal's voicemail!
thank you for reading this overly long and drawn out mess!
I thank you and my heart thanks you!
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