Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Futuristic Superfriends

This blog post is dedicated to my friends; Christy, Troy, Rohan and Mandy. We look to the future at our 80 year old selves. The year is 2055, set in the DFW metroplex.

Previously on the Superfriends-
Mandy: Rohan, where are my glasses?
Rohan: huh? I can't hear you...
Mandy: I said, where are my glasses?
Rohan: Mandy, you put them with your cane by the bed.
Mandy: but I'm not by the bed!
Rohan nods off to sleep whilst reading the morning newspaper.
Mandy hurriedly looks for her glasses. She doesn't want to be late for press conference with StarKist Tuna. Mandy doesn't realize her glasses are on the top of her head.

Meanwhile in the Cliffs of the Oak,  Brian is struggling to put on his depends on.
Christy: babe, you need help?
Brian: no, I can do it! (Brian stands up but his pants fall down)
Christy: well I need to run, my ultra marathon group training starts at 11:00am.
Brian: go ahead, I just need to pull my atrophied leg over to get the pants leg up.

Strumming through the dusty studio an oldie but goodie plays- Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix

Brian fumbles for the microphone and Mandy stretches her cane out to steady herself to sit in her Posterpedic foamed chair.
Mandy: dad blasted cane! I can never count on you!
Brian: welcome one and all to another award winning edition of the Superfriends.
Mandy: Brian, we haven't won an award since way back in 2017.
Brian: we've been doing this show since 2008, 47 long years!
Mandy: well, some of us have moved on to bigger and better things.
Brian: well, ever since Troy left to the mountains of Colorado to grow the happy grass, I've had to technically direct the show.
Mandy: where is Christy this time?
Brian: well she is speaking in Norway at a social media summit with the Norwegian president.
Mandy slowly claps but knocks her glasses off. "I can't see a darned thing!"
Brian: where is Rohan?
Mandy: well, he is moderating a local police officer community outreach Q & A. He's been retired for 22 years now.
Brian: don't brag, its unbecoming. On today's show we celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Cowboys winning the Super Bowl for the 5th time.
Mandy: do we have to? ever since they moved to Austin, they don't feel like the Dallas Cowboys.
Brian: well, they're still the Dallas Cowboys to me. Jerry Jones might be 108 but he is still the owner and GM.
Mandy: hey look, we have a caller on line 1.
Brian: hello caller, state your name and business.
Caller: dude, man, it's me Troy man....
Brian with a tear in his eye- "bro, I'm so glad to hear your voice!"
Troy: yeah man, I haven't shaved my beard in 9 years...
Mandy: gross!
Brian: bro, I bet that looks awesome...
Mandy reaches over and hangs up the phone without Brian knowing.
This goes on for 14 minutes.
Mandy decrepitly shuffles out of the studio so she can make her Starkist Tuna press conference. She is set to announce 2055's winner of the years supply of tuna.
Brian realizes he's been talking to a phone with nobody on the other end. He also notices he has been sitting in his own urine soaked Depends. With a defeated stare, he reminisces on the years gone by and begins to count the days to when his silver haired vixen returns home from her Norwegian trip.

Next time on the Superfriends- When will Christy return from Norway? Who won the years supply of tuna? Will Troy ever shave his beard? Will Brian acknowledge his wasted years and life on a failed fake radio show? All that and more on 93.8 the Superfriends......

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