Thursday, December 20, 2007
A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2007 Edition Current mood: artistic Category: Friends
Well, here I am with another edition of the famous or infamous Bizarro Christmas. If you would be so kind as to flip back in time and reread the blog from Dec. 21 06', you will see the first installment of said Bizarro Christmas. I'm still having to apologize for that one. I know I know, I always apologize for things I have said or done. Right Christy? Well enough of the celebratories, lets get onto the tomfoolery and sumsuch.
This year I decided to hold forth the Christmas party at my dearly beloved grandmother's house. I had to do this not because of her generosity but because I live there and therefore don't have a place of my own. This will change soon right Christy???? Remember, the actual people involved in this waste of time are not actually involved. Yes, Mandy this is fake.
The guest list looks like this: (so read on)
Brian, aka Brandt (for you slow readers this is me)
Christy, aka Chrystal (still hot beautiful fiance)
Mandy, aka Mindy (friend who abandonded us to go live in Australia)
Rohan, aka Rod (husband of Mandy, who went kicking and screaming to Australia)
Troy, aka Richard (best friend of host)
Juanell, aka Juanita (mom of brian's fiance)
Grandma, aka Mawmaw (grandmother of host)
So now that all the pleasantries are out of the way, off we go.
As the guests arrive, I take all the jackets and put them in a safe place. Our house has been broken into twice in the last 15 years, so I put them in my room and proceed to pilfer them for cash and jewelry. I rejoin the guests only to see Chrystal and Mindy eating the fruit off the coffee table. I try to explain to them that the fruit is fake but they think I am lying because they know I don't eat fruit. They are seen running to the bathrooms holding their butts and yacking like drunk monkeys. Anyways, I take drink orders, while Mawmaw and Juanita discuss Brandt's childhood, much laughter and giggling is heard. Richard wants a Shiner Bock, which I reply, "we don't drink beer". Next, I try to coax him into staying, He says, "he needs a beer and he will be back". Rod wants a glass of tea. I go to make tea for Rod only to find out we are out. I'm come back with a cold glass of water for Rod, who asks "Where is the tea?" I tell him we are out and he tells me I am number one.
After much flushing of toilets, Chrystal and Mindy come out of the bathrooms, sweaty and a little parched. So I make Chrystal a cup of coffee and Mindy a glass of hot cocoa.
As we move on into the evening, Mawmaw runs everyone out of the kitchen, yelling obcenities. Juanita is allowed to stay so they can keep talking about my childhood. Wisecracks and jokes are overheard!
Dinner is ready! Mawmaw rings the bell even though we are in the living room 5 feet away. A mad dash ensues and only minimal damage is done. Richard busts open the door and joins the dinner. Alcohol is smelled throughout the room. As we inhale turkey and fixings, much talking commenses. The guys are talking about sports and all that implies and the women talk about the guys talking about sports. Festive time is had by all.
As we migrate into the living room, we decide to move this night along and open gifts. Rod opens his first and realizes he has plane tickets to Australia. Rod is seen slumping in his chair. Richard, opens his gift and to his wonderment notices he has won three Cowboy game tickets. Brandt is happy thinking his friend of 20 years will invite him, only to be informed through the waft of Shiner, that his dad and brother are invited!!! Go figure? Juanita opens her gift and is amazed to see that she has won a 3 hour long class on computer training. Mindy opens her gift and she has recieved a fresh bucket of tuna. Mindy loves tuna. Mawmaw opens her gift and she is heartstruck to know that got a lifetime supply of margarita mix full with complimentary Chippendale's waiter. Chrystal is seen plotting on how to steal Mawmaw's gift. Last but not least, Chrystal opens her gift to find unlimited frequent flier miles to anywhere she wants to go. Chrystal is seen dancing and clapping uncontrollably. Chrystal soon remembers that Brandt doesn't fly.
After all the gifts have been opened and the living room has been cleaned, Brandt recieves his gift. His gift is that he gets to live another day on this earth and be around friends and family. A tear rolls down his face in somber joy. Only 6 months ago Chrystal was telling Brandt he wouldn't live to see 40. I have atleast 7 years left to share in the love and comfort of life. Caroling and singing is heard throught the house.
After about a minute of this, Brandt screams for everyone to get out except for Mawmaw because she lives here. Good time was had by all except Richard because he is passed out on the couch. I hand everyone their jackets and hope no one notices that they are ligher in the wallet.
I give Chrystal a smokey kiss and tell her that she is my gift. She proceeds to tell me that, "this gift stays wrapped".
Good cheer to all men and women. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years!
Brandt retreats to his room and turns on the t.v. and watches Sportscenter. Yep, good times good times!
P.s. Hope you all forgive me and I like money for Christmas.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Holiday fun time
Christmas and all that that implies! Current mood: jolly Category: Blogging
Tis the season to be jolly! Well here we are, Christmas time. Time to celebrate the season of gift giving. That is what Christmas is all about right? Time to eat turkey and dressing until we are full as a tick on a dog. Time to snuggle up with loved ones, except all at once. Time to dodge unwanted family members. Yep, fun times are near. So without further ado, it is time to deliver one of my famous and annual holiday blogs. This edition is going to be full of good cheer and everything that you have come to expect with my blogs.
My wish list this year is rather long. I will not make you suffer though and keep it short and sweet (kind of like christy) Now keep in mind, you can hand deliver these, send them via pigeon or use UPS. What can brown do for you? I know what brown can do for me, make my pants smell like garbage or embarrass me in public... I digress. On with the list!
10. man underwear
9. extra dose of cash
8. any and all metallica cd's
7. more time with my treasured fiance
6. non bloody pants
5. cheese
4. love
3. 2007 Wrangler Jeep
2. kitties, b/c brian loves kitties!
1. unused mistletoe every day of the year... ( I like kisses)
There you go loyal followers. Get after it. Only 13 days left and my list requires time and effort, which I have none of. Again, I want no less than 5 or no more than 5. I'm not picky so just stick to the list. Well I am off to do some leg lifts and some much needed tummy exercises.
P.S. Christmas is good and good is for you.
Tis the season to be jolly! Well here we are, Christmas time. Time to celebrate the season of gift giving. That is what Christmas is all about right? Time to eat turkey and dressing until we are full as a tick on a dog. Time to snuggle up with loved ones, except all at once. Time to dodge unwanted family members. Yep, fun times are near. So without further ado, it is time to deliver one of my famous and annual holiday blogs. This edition is going to be full of good cheer and everything that you have come to expect with my blogs.
My wish list this year is rather long. I will not make you suffer though and keep it short and sweet (kind of like christy) Now keep in mind, you can hand deliver these, send them via pigeon or use UPS. What can brown do for you? I know what brown can do for me, make my pants smell like garbage or embarrass me in public... I digress. On with the list!
10. man underwear
9. extra dose of cash
8. any and all metallica cd's
7. more time with my treasured fiance
6. non bloody pants
5. cheese
4. love
3. 2007 Wrangler Jeep
2. kitties, b/c brian loves kitties!
1. unused mistletoe every day of the year... ( I like kisses)
There you go loyal followers. Get after it. Only 13 days left and my list requires time and effort, which I have none of. Again, I want no less than 5 or no more than 5. I'm not picky so just stick to the list. Well I am off to do some leg lifts and some much needed tummy exercises.
P.S. Christmas is good and good is for you.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Thanksgiving Eve '07
Well here it is the Thanksgiving Holidays. What are your plans for the big Turkey day? My plans are to eat, eat some more and after eating, watch the Cowboys game. I love Thanksgiving. It is my second most favorite holiday behind my birthday. I just like all the love in the air, the smell of great food and the brush with the law. My family this year decided to not get together this year and instead see how everyone does on their own. We are a festive sort. The matriarch of the family, my grandmother, has decided to spend Thanksgiving with a can of Dr. Pepper, a bag of popcorn and the remote control. Yes, she basically has given up, thrown in the towel, and raised the flag. In layman's terms, depression has set in. Depression is a funny emotion. It runs in our family. Depression grabbed my dear ol' dad by the throat and whispered in his ear to end life as he knew it. Yep, good ol' depression. To this day I am ravaged by the feelings of depression. Could it be that I might have what my dad had? Who knows who cares, right. Turkey day is supposed to be wrought with goosebumps and fun times. Instead, this year mine will be filled with guilt, shame and overeating. Thankfully, my angelic fiance has invited to spend it with her family. She is a voluptuous, bright, smart, christian lady. Wonder what she is doing with the likes of me? I wonder too. I wonder everyday. I wonder outloud to co-workers, friends, family and walter the farting dog. The only feedback I get is, "Don't worry be happy." So happy I will be even with depression knocking on the door. If you didn't know, I was a master blog writer on a competing website. We will call it Myplace. I wrote like 50 someodd blogs. I have seen the error of my ways and now I am all growns up. So keep reading my very amusing blogs on blogspot. If you don't, I will know. Anyways, I know I have been all over the place in the post but that is how my brain works. Yes, christy my brain works, geez! Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Thanksgiving and all that implies....
Thanksgiving and all that implies....
Well hot diggity damn. I am back and better than ever. I have canvassed and perused other blogs and would like to throw my hat in the proverbial ring. Back in the day, I used to whip out blog after blog. Nowadays, I try to write with common sense and a touch of class. So here goes nothing.In this season of giving and taking (what we americans call Thanksgiving), I have come to realize my place on this fair planet. I am here to clean up, pay for and be subject of ridicule. I know hard life. Who is complaining? Not me, I only had a dad check out on me at the ripe age of 1 1/2 and a mom who had other seemly ideas for her one and only true child. I'm not bitter at all. I mean, I grew up on the other side of the tracks. I wore glasses as a kid for goodness sakes. I had grandparents who told me to toughen up and quit being a pansy. I had a brute for a sister, she was adopted I might add. See where I am coming from. Feel sorry for me yet? Not yet!!! Well how about the fear of heights and tapeworms. Or, how about the fear of ghosts and evil doers dressed up as relatives with comly hands. Shuttering are we? Hmmpphhh! How about going to family funerals at the rate of a cheap hooker with a lifted skirt. (rimshot) No compassion yet? Arrghhh! Hows about tripping and falling like a drunk homeless person in Salado Tx. Or about the time that I scharted in the dressing room. Oh wait, was that you christy? sorry didn't mean to throw you under the bus. Well I best git while the gitting is good.Happy Thanksgiving.P.S. Pray for the turkeysP.S. (2) Pray for Sweaty Palms Mcgee.
Well hot diggity damn. I am back and better than ever. I have canvassed and perused other blogs and would like to throw my hat in the proverbial ring. Back in the day, I used to whip out blog after blog. Nowadays, I try to write with common sense and a touch of class. So here goes nothing.In this season of giving and taking (what we americans call Thanksgiving), I have come to realize my place on this fair planet. I am here to clean up, pay for and be subject of ridicule. I know hard life. Who is complaining? Not me, I only had a dad check out on me at the ripe age of 1 1/2 and a mom who had other seemly ideas for her one and only true child. I'm not bitter at all. I mean, I grew up on the other side of the tracks. I wore glasses as a kid for goodness sakes. I had grandparents who told me to toughen up and quit being a pansy. I had a brute for a sister, she was adopted I might add. See where I am coming from. Feel sorry for me yet? Not yet!!! Well how about the fear of heights and tapeworms. Or, how about the fear of ghosts and evil doers dressed up as relatives with comly hands. Shuttering are we? Hmmpphhh! How about going to family funerals at the rate of a cheap hooker with a lifted skirt. (rimshot) No compassion yet? Arrghhh! Hows about tripping and falling like a drunk homeless person in Salado Tx. Or about the time that I scharted in the dressing room. Oh wait, was that you christy? sorry didn't mean to throw you under the bus. Well I best git while the gitting is good.Happy Thanksgiving.P.S. Pray for the turkeysP.S. (2) Pray for Sweaty Palms Mcgee.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Trick or Treat
Yes boys and girls it is that time of year, Halloween! Time to get stupid drunk on candy and laugh at big people. Huh what? Anyways, I'm reaching into my bag of tricks and reveal my list of Halloween costumes circa 2007'.
1. Bearded fat guy.
2. Confused engaged man.
3. Disrespectful man.
4. Overhyped man. ( I play the part of overhyping myself to any and everyone)
5. Blind Barbershop man.
6. Lead actor in "Black Snake Moan"
7. Upstanding good guy man.
8. Batgirl
9. Ambiguous Man
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt's boyfriend (for one night only)
11. Dead man walking guy.
12. Stand up comic man.
13. Telemarketer voice man.
14. Successful human being man.
15. Finally, Obvious man who states the obvious stuff to no one in particular.
I know, I haven't gone goofy in the head blog writing in awhile but I am back BRUTHA............
So from me to yours, have good good and make nice nice.
1. Bearded fat guy.
2. Confused engaged man.
3. Disrespectful man.
4. Overhyped man. ( I play the part of overhyping myself to any and everyone)
5. Blind Barbershop man.
6. Lead actor in "Black Snake Moan"
7. Upstanding good guy man.
8. Batgirl
9. Ambiguous Man
10. Jennifer Love Hewitt's boyfriend (for one night only)
11. Dead man walking guy.
12. Stand up comic man.
13. Telemarketer voice man.
14. Successful human being man.
15. Finally, Obvious man who states the obvious stuff to no one in particular.
I know, I haven't gone goofy in the head blog writing in awhile but I am back BRUTHA............
So from me to yours, have good good and make nice nice.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Overhyped!!!
Have you ever overhyped anything? I have too. I can overhype myself with the best of them and the worst of them too. Let the games begin...
I am a burly robust athletic 6'2.
I am a very suave bearded man's man.
I watch tackle football like every warm blooded male.
I have love swimming in my heart, mainly and only for Christy.
I do though have the evil fear of fears in my head.
Heights, money, loneliness and the ultimate, death.
I have brown hair, which some call the faux mohawk?
I have many acquaintances but few friends.
I love food, too much.
I have soft skin, in between sunlight.
I am Christian, loyal and strong.
Favorite verse, Joshua 1:9, Need to do and not say.
Well I have overhyped and overextended my stay.
I wish to stay and play but my time has come.
Be very careful and please exercise. (nobody likes fat people) giggle!!!!
I am a burly robust athletic 6'2.
I am a very suave bearded man's man.
I watch tackle football like every warm blooded male.
I have love swimming in my heart, mainly and only for Christy.
I do though have the evil fear of fears in my head.
Heights, money, loneliness and the ultimate, death.
I have brown hair, which some call the faux mohawk?
I have many acquaintances but few friends.
I love food, too much.
I have soft skin, in between sunlight.
I am Christian, loyal and strong.
Favorite verse, Joshua 1:9, Need to do and not say.
Well I have overhyped and overextended my stay.
I wish to stay and play but my time has come.
Be very careful and please exercise. (nobody likes fat people) giggle!!!!
Monday, September 3, 2007
What is Love?
I ask myself that very question everyday. So, what is love?
Love is holding your fiancee closely and not letting go.
Love is telling a certain someone she smells good.
Love is running trails with a loved one.
Love is opening your eyes and seeing a beautiful woman.
Love is sharing your food.
Love is buying small objects at Target.
Love is staring at your girlfriend and realizing how lucky you are.
Love is holding hands.
Love is splitting the ac in the car.
Love is when your heart hurts when she leaves.
Love is going to Starbucks and trying something new.
Love is listening.
Love is getting pads at the grocery store for your fiancee.
Love is climbing Enchanted Rock.
Love is saying I'm sorry.
Love is not having to be right.
Love is a back massage.
Love is what I feel like when I am with Christy Robinson.
What is love to you?
Love is holding your fiancee closely and not letting go.
Love is telling a certain someone she smells good.
Love is running trails with a loved one.
Love is opening your eyes and seeing a beautiful woman.
Love is sharing your food.
Love is buying small objects at Target.
Love is staring at your girlfriend and realizing how lucky you are.
Love is holding hands.
Love is splitting the ac in the car.
Love is when your heart hurts when she leaves.
Love is going to Starbucks and trying something new.
Love is listening.
Love is getting pads at the grocery store for your fiancee.
Love is climbing Enchanted Rock.
Love is saying I'm sorry.
Love is not having to be right.
Love is a back massage.
Love is what I feel like when I am with Christy Robinson.
What is love to you?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Free Time
How is everyone doingk today? Are we having a relaxing stress free day? I don't really care about the answers to these questions, just trying to make friends.
Speaking of making friends, I try and try but to no evail. Is it the bean burrito smell emanating from my clothes from my most recent trip to Campuzanos? Is it my 4 inch long toenails pertruding from my flip flops? Or is it my size 36 inch gut schlubbing over my waistline? Again, I don't care for the answers to these questions, just making excuses. I do have many friends, they just don't know it. Some of my closest friends do consider stalking a crime and to a lesser degree, I tend to agree with them. My cirlce of friends consist of a beautiful woman (fiancee), a financier (best friend of 20 years) and an import/exporter (currently residing in Australia). I can't handle too many friends because I lack communication skills and have a love of sports which tends to ruin friend making time.
Friends! It is only a word right? Now, don't get me wrong, I love people and people love me. I just love some more than others. The word friend means what? To me it means, a friend getting me a glass of ice tea hold the sweet, a friend driving with me to Shreveport to place bets and a friend inviting me over to eat thanksgiving dinner in the middle of summer. Ah!, the love of one human to another. Isn't it poetic?
Well, I better run because I have a friend with me now who would like a little attention. I aim to please and please I shall. If you were to get anything out of this blog, make sure it is friends are forever, kind of like food.
P.S. Guys, if I have missed a birthday, call me and I will sing Happy Birthday to you.
Speaking of making friends, I try and try but to no evail. Is it the bean burrito smell emanating from my clothes from my most recent trip to Campuzanos? Is it my 4 inch long toenails pertruding from my flip flops? Or is it my size 36 inch gut schlubbing over my waistline? Again, I don't care for the answers to these questions, just making excuses. I do have many friends, they just don't know it. Some of my closest friends do consider stalking a crime and to a lesser degree, I tend to agree with them. My cirlce of friends consist of a beautiful woman (fiancee), a financier (best friend of 20 years) and an import/exporter (currently residing in Australia). I can't handle too many friends because I lack communication skills and have a love of sports which tends to ruin friend making time.
Friends! It is only a word right? Now, don't get me wrong, I love people and people love me. I just love some more than others. The word friend means what? To me it means, a friend getting me a glass of ice tea hold the sweet, a friend driving with me to Shreveport to place bets and a friend inviting me over to eat thanksgiving dinner in the middle of summer. Ah!, the love of one human to another. Isn't it poetic?
Well, I better run because I have a friend with me now who would like a little attention. I aim to please and please I shall. If you were to get anything out of this blog, make sure it is friends are forever, kind of like food.
P.S. Guys, if I have missed a birthday, call me and I will sing Happy Birthday to you.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Daily Goings On
Hello to one and all. How is your Saturday going so far? Well, mine so far is not too shabby. Slept in til the fine hour of 11:00. Then Christy and me went and ate lunch with her family. We ate at some place called Chantilly's Place. I know, sounds a little suspect but good food was had. We are now watching The Chronicles of Narnia, to which her mom is fast asleep. (snoring and all)
Well, let me tell you about the comfy confines of Waxahachie Texas. This fair city is complete with country peeps, old quaint buildings and atleast one Chili's restaurant that I know of. We frequent all the eating establishments about 3 times a week. The other 4 days I starve and Christy runs. I have gained probably about 20 pounds since Christy and I have started dating almost 4 years ago. Can you believe we have been dating 4 years!! She has only gotten tired of me, oh say, about 20 times. It is hard to stay healthy in a city that has not much to offer. I mean the main attraction in Waxahachie is a place called 1879's, which serves home cooked meals or the shack of a house thst serves sno cones. Lets just say, when we get married we will not be living in Waxahachie. I nominate south Arlington and Christy nominates downtown Dallas. We will arm wrestle soon to figure out who wins. My money is on her.
I apologize for my previous blogs, I sometimes lose direction in my writings and I type out just drivel and slop. Today's blog is not considered slop. I am a newby when it comes to writing, plus Christy is a professional writer and I have to live up to her expectations, which is no easy task. I mean let tell you, she has high expectations. She even wants me to wear a brown belt! No joke, she wants me to wash my face, everyday!!!! I can't win for losing.......
Well before I get in trouble, hence the hurried exit, I better wrap this up. I hope to write to you next time if I don't get grounded. Please pray for me.
P.S. My humor is of the sarcastic and tongue in cheek variety.
P.S. My tongue is firmly in cheek and foot fully in mouth.
Well, let me tell you about the comfy confines of Waxahachie Texas. This fair city is complete with country peeps, old quaint buildings and atleast one Chili's restaurant that I know of. We frequent all the eating establishments about 3 times a week. The other 4 days I starve and Christy runs. I have gained probably about 20 pounds since Christy and I have started dating almost 4 years ago. Can you believe we have been dating 4 years!! She has only gotten tired of me, oh say, about 20 times. It is hard to stay healthy in a city that has not much to offer. I mean the main attraction in Waxahachie is a place called 1879's, which serves home cooked meals or the shack of a house thst serves sno cones. Lets just say, when we get married we will not be living in Waxahachie. I nominate south Arlington and Christy nominates downtown Dallas. We will arm wrestle soon to figure out who wins. My money is on her.
I apologize for my previous blogs, I sometimes lose direction in my writings and I type out just drivel and slop. Today's blog is not considered slop. I am a newby when it comes to writing, plus Christy is a professional writer and I have to live up to her expectations, which is no easy task. I mean let tell you, she has high expectations. She even wants me to wear a brown belt! No joke, she wants me to wash my face, everyday!!!! I can't win for losing.......
Well before I get in trouble, hence the hurried exit, I better wrap this up. I hope to write to you next time if I don't get grounded. Please pray for me.
P.S. My humor is of the sarcastic and tongue in cheek variety.
P.S. My tongue is firmly in cheek and foot fully in mouth.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Give me some butter,
Ever heard the saying, give me some butter because I am on a roll? Didn't think so. I'm like a three point shooter who doesn't miss. I am like Barry Bonds on the juice. I am like Brad Pitt in a club full of womens. This is my second blog in two days. Pretty cool huh? Didn't think so either...
Well my fiance and I went running at Grapevine Lake Park. Ok ok, she went running and I did some kind of flailing that looked like running. It was a mere 102 in the shade but good times was had by all. During the run, I thought of all the weird diseases you could get just by being by the lake. I mean this lake was DIRTY! So, I thought I would expound on my list of newly created diseases. Now, some of these you might not heard of before but just bare with me.
10. Cauliflower ear canal.
9. Guacamole arm pit.
8. Deviled egg toe jam.
7. Green olive butt cheeks
6. Cottage cheese tummy rolls.
5. Pimento cheese neck.
4. Peanut butter inner thigh.
3. Snicker doodle back fat.
2. Sweet potato mouth gum.
1. Onion crotch.
With this all said, we will be making a trek to Cedar Hill State Park next week. I will be sure to inform you of our travails. Now you are probably wondering what makes me think of all this stuff and I say to you, "How the heck do I know?"
P.S. Don't try this at home.
Double Entandre P.S. My work is never finished.
Well my fiance and I went running at Grapevine Lake Park. Ok ok, she went running and I did some kind of flailing that looked like running. It was a mere 102 in the shade but good times was had by all. During the run, I thought of all the weird diseases you could get just by being by the lake. I mean this lake was DIRTY! So, I thought I would expound on my list of newly created diseases. Now, some of these you might not heard of before but just bare with me.
10. Cauliflower ear canal.
9. Guacamole arm pit.
8. Deviled egg toe jam.
7. Green olive butt cheeks
6. Cottage cheese tummy rolls.
5. Pimento cheese neck.
4. Peanut butter inner thigh.
3. Snicker doodle back fat.
2. Sweet potato mouth gum.
1. Onion crotch.
With this all said, we will be making a trek to Cedar Hill State Park next week. I will be sure to inform you of our travails. Now you are probably wondering what makes me think of all this stuff and I say to you, "How the heck do I know?"
P.S. Don't try this at home.
Double Entandre P.S. My work is never finished.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
He said she said.
I have abandoned the Tuesdays with the coach segment due to low comment turnout. So in a pansy and feeble attempt to garner comments, I will jocularly edify you with one of my classic top ten lists. Guys, have you ever been told things to do by your significant other? Have you ever been called names or had negative comments bandied about to you? I haven't either, but in case I had, I have a condensed list of ten things said to me or about me. The perpetrator in this scenario is my sweet angelic beautiful fiance, Christy. By the way, she is sitting right here while I type this blog, and yes, she is shooting me the evil eye already. Enough with the theatrics and on with the show. Here is my fake but oh so real negative comments said to me.
10. "Brian, did you scrub your face?"
9. "Brian, suck in your stomach." (knowing I am in full tummy suckin mode)
8. "Brian, communicate, all I want from you is communication!"
7. "Brian, do we really have to watch another UT football game this weekend?" (said during the 05' UT college football championship year)
6. "Brian, it is about me right now!" (christy is overheard saying)
5. "Brian, can we share dinner tonight?" (christy says when it is her turn to pick up din din)
4. "Brian, stand up straight so you don't look like an 85 year old man."
3. "Brian, that does not hurt." (as blood squirts out of my toe during toenail clipping time)
2. "Brian, we never go shopping for me!" (said as we stand in the mall with shopping bags full of womens apparel and the like)
1. "Brian, you keep eating like that, you will die at 45." (knowing full well I am already at the tender age of 33)
Does any of this sound familiar guys? I hope not. Well I better click save and post before she proof reads it.
Words to look up this week: emasculate, pansy, pantywaste and goober.
P.S. history has been made, I have used the words from my childhood in my blog. (emasculate ect.....)
10. "Brian, did you scrub your face?"
9. "Brian, suck in your stomach." (knowing I am in full tummy suckin mode)
8. "Brian, communicate, all I want from you is communication!"
7. "Brian, do we really have to watch another UT football game this weekend?" (said during the 05' UT college football championship year)
6. "Brian, it is about me right now!" (christy is overheard saying)
5. "Brian, can we share dinner tonight?" (christy says when it is her turn to pick up din din)
4. "Brian, stand up straight so you don't look like an 85 year old man."
3. "Brian, that does not hurt." (as blood squirts out of my toe during toenail clipping time)
2. "Brian, we never go shopping for me!" (said as we stand in the mall with shopping bags full of womens apparel and the like)
1. "Brian, you keep eating like that, you will die at 45." (knowing full well I am already at the tender age of 33)
Does any of this sound familiar guys? I hope not. Well I better click save and post before she proof reads it.
Words to look up this week: emasculate, pansy, pantywaste and goober.
P.S. history has been made, I have used the words from my childhood in my blog. (emasculate ect.....)
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Sorry for the Delay
Yes boys and girls, I apologize for the delay in my blog writing. I know you have come to expect, want it and need it. Well here I am in all my glory. (wait, oh nevermind) So, what should I blog about today? Should I blog about Barry Bonds breaking the homerun record in baseball? (if you don't know who Bonds is, look up steriods in the dictionary) Should I blog about my most recent trip to the Hill Country? ( if you don't know where the Hill Country is, look up stupid in the dictionary) Should I blog about my failures as a man? Well if I did that, I wouldn't have enough space on this here computer.
Anyways....... I'll just let it free flow and let it go. School is fast approaching and in my line of work that means no more laying up, eating cheetos, and watching Days. I lead a sad life. The only one good thing about me except for the air I breath is my sexy fiance. She is beautiful and i tell her atleast once a day she deserves better. After the slap across the face, she says to me "straighten up and start acting like a man." So man I act. My biggest fear in life is failing her. I mean I fail so much, I even fail getting out of bed. I mean seriously, I fail at brushing my teeth. For the love all that is holy and just, I fail at fixing myself a grilled cheese sandwich. Go figure!
So all this is not lost on me, the only thing lost is my wallet, my necklace, my money, and if my head wasn't sitting on my shoulders, I'd lose it too. Save your tears, save your cries, and just help a brother. You can help me at *** Oak**** Ln Arlington **. I can't give out my real address because of the crazy stalkers.
Well, I think I just burped up pizza from dinner, so I better go clean off my shirt and take a shower. See if I can't fail at that! / wah wah wah/ :(
I send love and good cheers to all. Hope you enjoyed the reading. If not, well I don't have much for ya.
P.S. Be good and make nice nice.
Anyways....... I'll just let it free flow and let it go. School is fast approaching and in my line of work that means no more laying up, eating cheetos, and watching Days. I lead a sad life. The only one good thing about me except for the air I breath is my sexy fiance. She is beautiful and i tell her atleast once a day she deserves better. After the slap across the face, she says to me "straighten up and start acting like a man." So man I act. My biggest fear in life is failing her. I mean I fail so much, I even fail getting out of bed. I mean seriously, I fail at brushing my teeth. For the love all that is holy and just, I fail at fixing myself a grilled cheese sandwich. Go figure!
So all this is not lost on me, the only thing lost is my wallet, my necklace, my money, and if my head wasn't sitting on my shoulders, I'd lose it too. Save your tears, save your cries, and just help a brother. You can help me at *** Oak**** Ln Arlington **. I can't give out my real address because of the crazy stalkers.
Well, I think I just burped up pizza from dinner, so I better go clean off my shirt and take a shower. See if I can't fail at that! / wah wah wah/ :(
I send love and good cheers to all. Hope you enjoyed the reading. If not, well I don't have much for ya.
P.S. Be good and make nice nice.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Lovey Dovey!
Welcome. I recently celebrated my 33rd birthday and everything went off without a hitch, except for the things I didn't get. I won't belabour that point but fun was had by all. I got the usual ties and man candles but I do want to highlight one gift I did recieve. My beautiful female fiance showered me with love and gave me a true gift. I recieved a burned cd of Bryan Adams songs. Now, for the unintelligent, Adams is a true 80's ballad icon. So, instead of listening to rap and the occassional Metallica song, I have now turned my attention to the soft tongued love songs. It is much more conducive to getting in that right frame of mind. It also clears the head of any and all negative thoughts. It also makes me think of my sweet kumquat named Christy. In the truest sense of the word, these songs are sappy and cheesy, but they have more depth and meaning than the "whisper song" by the Ying Yang Twins.
Along with the love cd's, my irresistible sugar gave me a cookie cake instead of the traditional birthday cake. I loves me some cookie cake. Christy knows the way to my heart and it starts with food. I digress.
I am now 33, halfway to 66. In no way is this the downside of my life. I look at it as I have only lived one-third of my life. My birthday has come and gone but not with a whimper but a mighty hand. I realize that life is meant to be taken one day at a time. I want to take my days with Christy.
Guys can be gushy and mushy when it comes to love and emotions and not looked down upon. Personally, I like mushy. I like mushy movies, songs and talk. I think sometimes I have mastered the art of mushy talk but that is neither here nor there.
So for all the guys out there, go mushy.
Next Week: I will recap the week that was and preview the week ahead. So stay grounded and love all.
P.S. Love is meant to be, you have to go get it.
P.S. #2 I got it!
Along with the love cd's, my irresistible sugar gave me a cookie cake instead of the traditional birthday cake. I loves me some cookie cake. Christy knows the way to my heart and it starts with food. I digress.
I am now 33, halfway to 66. In no way is this the downside of my life. I look at it as I have only lived one-third of my life. My birthday has come and gone but not with a whimper but a mighty hand. I realize that life is meant to be taken one day at a time. I want to take my days with Christy.
Guys can be gushy and mushy when it comes to love and emotions and not looked down upon. Personally, I like mushy. I like mushy movies, songs and talk. I think sometimes I have mastered the art of mushy talk but that is neither here nor there.
So for all the guys out there, go mushy.
Next Week: I will recap the week that was and preview the week ahead. So stay grounded and love all.
P.S. Love is meant to be, you have to go get it.
P.S. #2 I got it!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Tuesdays with the Coach.
Welcome one and all,
I am introducing a new segment for your viewing pleasure. It is self titled "Tuesdays with the Coach." Yes, that would be me. I will offer up insightful and sage advice. I will happily help solve problems of all matter. So sit back and enjoy, grab a cold one to drink if you like. (cold one meaning unsweet ice tea)
On todays docket, I will ramble and trailoff with strong 33 year old man speak. My birthday is sunday the 22nd of July. I have a short list for you to paruse and pontificate on, so make good sound expensive decisions.
5. Clothes (christy, says I need to be more fashionable to meet her uppety tastes)
4. dress shoes (see # 5 for reason) I guess flip flops don't signify dress up.
3. electronic gadgets ( trying to get caught up with the 20th century)
2. anything Longhorn material ( I know you may think I have enough, but enough is never enough. just ask christy that question)
1. any and everything. (hey, I am not picky, just special)
I know I might come off as pretentious or greedy but, it is my nature or as I say, it runs in the family. I love my family, more so when I see their backsides leaving through the front door. Hey, we can't all be perfect and friendly like.
Did you know Easter 2008 is the same day me and my beloved want to get married. Christy said it was fine. We can do the Easter egg hunt instead of more traditional things as, garter toss or the always fun rice throwing. I wish we could snap our fingers and be married. All the pomp and stance is for the birds. Our wedding organizer (who doubles as the bride) says we should get married in September. I argue saying it is too soon but realize the longer we wait the more time she has to reneg on the whole deal. Love you Christy.
Christy is my rock and best friend, so we make decisions and communicate on all issues. I know, I am working on the whole communicating thing, but I am going to counseling for that.
Well our time is almost up and I am getting the hook, so I better shut this down. I hope you have enjoyed this Tuesday's edition. I look forward to next weeks column when the topic will be fears of heights and fears of open waters. Look forward to the hilarious test cases that will be presented next week.
p.s. To quash any unfounded rumor that is circulating, I am living back at home with grams but it is for very legit and stable reasons. I do not wish to share them at this time, thank you.
I am introducing a new segment for your viewing pleasure. It is self titled "Tuesdays with the Coach." Yes, that would be me. I will offer up insightful and sage advice. I will happily help solve problems of all matter. So sit back and enjoy, grab a cold one to drink if you like. (cold one meaning unsweet ice tea)
On todays docket, I will ramble and trailoff with strong 33 year old man speak. My birthday is sunday the 22nd of July. I have a short list for you to paruse and pontificate on, so make good sound expensive decisions.
5. Clothes (christy, says I need to be more fashionable to meet her uppety tastes)
4. dress shoes (see # 5 for reason) I guess flip flops don't signify dress up.
3. electronic gadgets ( trying to get caught up with the 20th century)
2. anything Longhorn material ( I know you may think I have enough, but enough is never enough. just ask christy that question)
1. any and everything. (hey, I am not picky, just special)
I know I might come off as pretentious or greedy but, it is my nature or as I say, it runs in the family. I love my family, more so when I see their backsides leaving through the front door. Hey, we can't all be perfect and friendly like.
Did you know Easter 2008 is the same day me and my beloved want to get married. Christy said it was fine. We can do the Easter egg hunt instead of more traditional things as, garter toss or the always fun rice throwing. I wish we could snap our fingers and be married. All the pomp and stance is for the birds. Our wedding organizer (who doubles as the bride) says we should get married in September. I argue saying it is too soon but realize the longer we wait the more time she has to reneg on the whole deal. Love you Christy.
Christy is my rock and best friend, so we make decisions and communicate on all issues. I know, I am working on the whole communicating thing, but I am going to counseling for that.
Well our time is almost up and I am getting the hook, so I better shut this down. I hope you have enjoyed this Tuesday's edition. I look forward to next weeks column when the topic will be fears of heights and fears of open waters. Look forward to the hilarious test cases that will be presented next week.
p.s. To quash any unfounded rumor that is circulating, I am living back at home with grams but it is for very legit and stable reasons. I do not wish to share them at this time, thank you.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Somesuch and the Like
Why must summers be so hot? I like the fall and winter time of years. I don't sweat as much during these seasons. I hate sweating but I like sports. I'm an avid sports watcher and player. I'm into trivia and coach kids. I like being around youngsters but not enough to have one of my own. I'm what you might call- selfish. I just need space and by the looks of my ever expanding middle, I need lots of it.
I am currently engaged but not yet married. That fateful day has yet to be announced but it is coming up shortly. Speaking of short, "Hi Mandy." Anyways, my birthday is fast approaching. I will turn the spry, young age of 33. Yep ladies, 33! Just call me Brian "PrimeTime" Peters. Has anyone met my beautiful fiance? Her name is Christy Robinson. How does Christy Alicia Robinson Peters roll of the tongue? Right!
At the ripe ol' age of 33, I am still going to school. Yes, sad I know. There are some lame arse guys in my sociology class. We are suppose to do group work but all I hear is f words and beer talk. If i wanted that I could throw a family reunion together. Enough school talk, I am here to please and please I shall.
I am back to writing blogs that make people happy and cry uncontrollably. I am here to heal the sick and feed the poor. Being one of the poor, someone feed me!
I'm sorry I tend to ramble. I have one favor, don't judge me and we won't have any problems. If you do judge, I am known to be packing.
So come one and come all. I tend to have low self esteem and self confidence, so please be kind with the words. I need much encouragement. I need food. I need love.
P.S. Gather round' gather round!
I am currently engaged but not yet married. That fateful day has yet to be announced but it is coming up shortly. Speaking of short, "Hi Mandy." Anyways, my birthday is fast approaching. I will turn the spry, young age of 33. Yep ladies, 33! Just call me Brian "PrimeTime" Peters. Has anyone met my beautiful fiance? Her name is Christy Robinson. How does Christy Alicia Robinson Peters roll of the tongue? Right!
At the ripe ol' age of 33, I am still going to school. Yes, sad I know. There are some lame arse guys in my sociology class. We are suppose to do group work but all I hear is f words and beer talk. If i wanted that I could throw a family reunion together. Enough school talk, I am here to please and please I shall.
I am back to writing blogs that make people happy and cry uncontrollably. I am here to heal the sick and feed the poor. Being one of the poor, someone feed me!
I'm sorry I tend to ramble. I have one favor, don't judge me and we won't have any problems. If you do judge, I am known to be packing.
So come one and come all. I tend to have low self esteem and self confidence, so please be kind with the words. I need much encouragement. I need food. I need love.
P.S. Gather round' gather round!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Wheelings and Dealings!
It is time. It is time for me to unload my thoughts and feelings on any and all suspecting readers.
I am a quiet, shy type. I like to eat, drink and be merry. I'm usually easy to get along with. I'm a 32 yr. old, who will trivia whip anyone within earshot of sports. I'm a lover not a fighter. I like cheese and unsweet ice tea.
Now onto the fun stuff. I am currently engaged to a beautiful human named Christy. I work for the private school system acting as an Athletic Director. (one who oversees athletics) I love sports, especially basketball. Christy loves soccer and running. I would rate us as an 9 on a scale of hotness for couples. Christy gets 8 of those points and I get the leftover 1.
I do watch t.v and usually partake in sports and the like. I will throw a little Seinfeld and Cops on ya for your viewing pleasure. I am a connoisseur of the history of sports, t.v. and music. I blast Metallica and Pink Floyd in my car and rap and talk radio when my fiance is with me. I dabble in the art of buying clothes and entertain the thought of reading every now and again.
I am a believer in God and worship at the feet of Pantego Bible Church. I was raised Baptist but baptized Catholic. (go figure) I believe in not throwing the first punch but the last. I turn the other cheek only after my opponent has turned both of his. I have wrestled many and fought few. I carry a big stick.
I speak with uncertainty and listen carefully. I observe without action. I tremble naught. I love life and life loves me. I struggle to sleep and it usually wins. I like to blog and view my thoughts. Christy says I need to do more and more I do.
This is the beginning not the end. I will joculary edify without boredom. Please be kind.
I am a quiet, shy type. I like to eat, drink and be merry. I'm usually easy to get along with. I'm a 32 yr. old, who will trivia whip anyone within earshot of sports. I'm a lover not a fighter. I like cheese and unsweet ice tea.
Now onto the fun stuff. I am currently engaged to a beautiful human named Christy. I work for the private school system acting as an Athletic Director. (one who oversees athletics) I love sports, especially basketball. Christy loves soccer and running. I would rate us as an 9 on a scale of hotness for couples. Christy gets 8 of those points and I get the leftover 1.
I do watch t.v and usually partake in sports and the like. I will throw a little Seinfeld and Cops on ya for your viewing pleasure. I am a connoisseur of the history of sports, t.v. and music. I blast Metallica and Pink Floyd in my car and rap and talk radio when my fiance is with me. I dabble in the art of buying clothes and entertain the thought of reading every now and again.
I am a believer in God and worship at the feet of Pantego Bible Church. I was raised Baptist but baptized Catholic. (go figure) I believe in not throwing the first punch but the last. I turn the other cheek only after my opponent has turned both of his. I have wrestled many and fought few. I carry a big stick.
I speak with uncertainty and listen carefully. I observe without action. I tremble naught. I love life and life loves me. I struggle to sleep and it usually wins. I like to blog and view my thoughts. Christy says I need to do more and more I do.
This is the beginning not the end. I will joculary edify without boredom. Please be kind.
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