A Truly Bizarro Christmas 2011

Yep! It's that time of year already... Christmas is nigh upon us. This here blog is meant for giggles, smiles, knee slaps and the like! If you or your loved ones ever get offended by anything written, then please grow up and remember everything is not about you!! Also, for continuity's sake, please read all the other Bizarro Christmas blogs from the years past. It will make all this drivel more sense, even for you Mandy.
Cast-
Starring:
Brian as Brandt
Christy as Chrystal
Mandy as Mindy
Rohan as Rod
Troy as Richard
Becca as Becky
Featuring:
Tiffani as Trixy
Cameo Appearances by
Juanell as Juanita
Grandma as MawMaw

Now that all the loose ends have been tied up, on with the blog!

Brandt: hey babe! you know what we should do for Christmas this year?
Chrystal: what is that? How about we all go Twilight Breaking Dawn??
Brandt: ummm no!
Chrystal: well, it was only a suggestion!
Brandt: and a good one at that hon! how about.......
Chrystal: why don't you ever call me by my name?? instead of babe and hon??
Brandt: (looking utterly dumbfounded and simply confused) I don't know!
Chrystal: I mean my name is Chrystal, no babe, or hon, or sweets or.....
Brandt: ok, ok! sorry!!! Chrystal, how about....
Chrystal: (has her mom, Juanita, on the phone) mom, you there?
Juanita: HELLO! Chrystal, you there??
Chrystal: Mom, I'm here, hang on I got a question!
Juanita: I'm in the vortex, what is it?
Chrystal: you answered your phone in the vortex??
Juanita: yes, why? (muffles sound, inaudible, tells stranger: ok, thanks)
Chrystal: I have a quick question, do you think it is weird that Brandt only calls me by babe, or hon, or somesuch?
Juanita: Chrystal, just let him do that I think it is sweet!
Chrystal: *sigh* ok, Mom, gotta go!
Juanita: I do too, I have my Silver Sneakers I need to get to. bye!
Chrystal: ok, bye! (hanging up the phone)
Juanita: wait, I got.....
Chrystal hangs up.
-
Brandt: how about we do a gift exchange this year? we haven't done that in years.
Chrystal: yeah, that sounds like a plan.
*phone rings*
Chrystal: hello!
Mindy: hey girl! so what is the big plan for Christmas?
Chrystal: well we are going to do a gift exchange this year. you in?
Mindy: sure!
Chrystal: I'm going to send out a tweet to everyone...
Mindy: but I don't have a twitter account!!
Chrystal: umm ok, but everyone is using it now instead of facebook. but I'll send one there as well to.
Mindy: (claps and giggles) ok!
-
Rod: Mindy, are we going over to Brandt and Chrystal's this year for Christmas?
Mindy: yes, why?
Rod: because, every time we go Brandt has to rub it in my face about beating me in basketball!
Mindy: Rod, that happened, like in June..
Rod: I know, but I'm still a little sore and all...
Mindy: we'll have fun.. maybe you can beat him in a staring contest!
Rod: no! already tried....
Mindy: wait, you mean you already....
Rod: yes!
-

Chrystal: ok all the tweets and facebook messages have been sent!
Brandt: good CHRYSTAL!
Chrystal: oh yea! see you did it...
Brandt: whatever makes you happy babe!
Chrystal smiles

December 24 6:30pm----------- at the Peters/Robinson residence
Mindy and Rod arrive with gifts and tuna fish salad
Richard and Becky arrive with gifts and Shiner Bock
Trixy and her new beau Jeremiah arrive with gifts and a keg

Brandt: welcome one and all. Trixy, why dont you introduce to us your new friend.
Trixy: everyone, this is Jeremiah, he is Vice President of the Dallas DJ Association.
everyone oohh's and aahh's.
Brandt: ok, Chrystal has prepared a fine feast for all!
Chrystal: yes on the menu this year is, gluten free mac and cheese, house salad, grilled tilapia, with fudge for dessert.
Mindy wipes the drool from her mouth.
Richard opens up the Shiner for everyone.
Rod: Richard, I don't drink but thanks.
Richard: (under his breath to Becky) watching your figure are we??
Rod: what was that Richard?
Richard: O, nothing, just whispering sweet nothings to my wife!
Mindy: well y'all have 2 kids, why not more!!!?
Brandt: (sees this is not going good) ok, well lets get our plates!
Chrystal is still on her very rigid 3-3-2 minute breakdown on the fish.
20 seconds she yells!
everyone forms left..
with much grubbing and table talk Brandt motions for everyone to the living room
Mindy: Brandt, why motion us, the living room is 5 feet from the kitchen!
Brandt: are you always like this??
Rod: (steps in) like what?
Brandt: hey, Rod, hows your basketball game coming?
Rod walks away in a huff
-
Chrystal: ok, everyone ready?
Mindy claps and giggles for no reason
Trixy: Mindy, do you need to go to the bathroom?
Mindy: no, why? (continues clapping and giggling)
Chrystal: ok, I suggest everyone open all together!
Brandt/Mindy/Rod/Becky/Richard/Trixy/Jeremiah: no lets open separately!!!
Chrystal: ok, if I had to slave in the kitchen for all you to come over here, eat, not clean up, and eat all my fudge, we're opening gifts together!!!
Brandt calms the masses and agrees!
Richard drinks a Shiner and says: I'm with the majority!
Trixy: ok ok! fine...
Jeremiah: let me mix up some Christmas jingles...
Beastie Boys Christmas Rock is lightly playing the background
Chrystal: good selection Jeremiah!
Becky looks at Richard and asks: who is this playing?
-
all gifts have been opened and here is the rundown
Brandt received Dallas Cowboy hoodie
Chrystal received an Ulta gift card
Richard received a Shiner Bock wall clock
Becky received a Target gift card
Trixy received a tree hammock
Jeremiah received a fedora
Rod received a indoor basketball
Mindy received a Sammy the Starfish Tuna autograph

Mindy: what the heck??
Rod: Mindy, lets not be ungrateful!
Mindy: I mean, I don't even like tuna!
Chrystal is already halfway our the door on her way to Ulta...
Brandt and Richard discuss Brandt's new Cowboy hoodie
Richard sets the time on his Shiner Bock clock
Becky has Target dollar signs racing through her head
Trixy is instagramming her hammock
Jeremiah is pulling a Tony Romo with his fedora and continues to spin his DJ mix cd's

Brandt: well, I'm glad everyone had a good time! Merry Christmas.......
Mindy: TUNA, really??
Rod bounces the basketball between his legs and dribbles it off his knee

everyone packs up and says their goodbye's!


Brandt looks around and is humbled by such great friends and a even better wife!
Chrystal: babe, I have a gift for you right here!
Chrystal pulls Brandt in for a very wifely kiss

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!!!!


P.S. any similarities in character or personalities was not intended. if you were offended or hurt, please call 1-800-idon'tcare.

Thank you for reading another award winning edition of a Truly Bizarro Christmas!